How Many Ways Are There to Say Goodbye?

I confess that I do not have a ready answer to this question. In fact, I am better at asking questions than supplying answers, if you have been reading my blogs for awhile. How could I possibly know how each of you defines a “good” goodbye? I’m pretty sure that all of us have received poor goodbye versions, but straight from my parenting book, let’s keep a focus on what to do, instead of what not to do. It just is a forward-thinking and healthier route.

I have checked online to see what others think about ways to say goodbye. I was struck by one way — “Peace out” — which I have never heard anyone use! According to a definition, it is “an informal and casual way to say goodbye, often used with a sense of finality.” I have had occasion to say goodbye recently to a number of people who I believe I will never see again; saying “peace out” would have seemed strange. Saying goodbye actually derives from “God be with ye,” shortened to “Godbwye,” before becoming today’s “goodbye.^“ 

Here are some other goodbye versions that might have been useful if I had read about them earlier:

• This is not goodbye, it’s thank you — express gratitude for your relationship and the time spent together, focusing the farewell on fond memories. 
• “Remember me and smile, for it is better to forget than to remember me and cry”  (Dr. Seuss) — remembering the good times, find peace in each going their separate way.
• “Farewell is like the end, but in my heart is the memory, and there you will always be” (Disney) — acknowledge the finality of the goodbye while maintaining the enduring nature of memories.

Say yes to memories, but the recognition that you may never see someone again is grieving territory. Colin Murray Parke, a British psychiatrist, coined this version: “The pain of grief…is perhaps the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment.” In a recent discussion with others, one person made this insightful comment: when you have to say a significant goodbye, it brings up all of the other times you were in this situation and it feels sad all over again for those earlier goodbye times. There is grieving in the goodbyes in our lives and we are not fond of grieving. Do we expect everything to “last?” Well, yes.

Poetry can help us deal with the impermanence in life.

“As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever….” (from “Stages” by poet and novelist Herman Hesse, in his last novel, The Glass Bead Game (which won Hesse the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1946).

Embrace impermanence and savor your ability to have significant relationships.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

405. How do you say goodbye to someone you may never see again?

406. When can you recall  “good” goodbyes?