Jan’s Blog Posts

Joe Pye was a First Nations medicine man who used “wild” weeds (i.e., native plants) to cure typhoid fever. His tonic is reputed to have stopped an epidemic in Colonial Massachusetts. In his honor, a local plant was endowed with his name.

Joe Pye Weed is a beautiful wildflower that produces clumps of blooms and reaches 7+feet tall. Joe’s mauve flowers have a vanilla scent that attracts butterflies and other pollinators. Adaptable to many soil conditions, Joe Pye Weed thrives in full sun or partial shade. From my experience with Joe, it also is a native plant that thrives through-thick-or-thin rain/no rain weather. I planted one Joe and now have a forest of Joe’s progenies, even after giving away many baby Joe’s to foster homes each summer. 

Some children are given away to foster homes — not usually because there are too many of them — but because of trauma in their biological homes. Twice placed in foster homes, 8-year-old Chris Gardner did not know that his mother was convicted of trying to kill his father by burning down the house. And yet, young Gardner first met his three maternal uncles at this time and found positive male role models. Through-thick-and-thin trial/error jobs, Gardener became a successful stockbroker and philanthropist.   

Gardner coined this gem: “The world is your oyster. It’s up to you to find the pearls.” Also an author and motivational speaker, Gardner turned his autobiography covering his rags-to-riches story into a movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness” (yes, his own happyness brand)! Gardener’s wild childhood was beset with alcoholism, domestic abuse, child abuse and other family trauma. The story of his resilience through-thick-and-thin persistence to become a caring philanthropist is a model of true grit. 

Passion plus persistence (the definition of grit) relates to having meaning in life. Gardner had a knack for finding meaning through the many mentors he gathered in his life. Consider what makes one difference between a child falling into unhealthy territory versus thriving: the difference between illness and wellness is that illness begins with “I” and wellness starts with “we.” Healthy self-territory includes other people!   

Sonja Lyubomirsky, researcher of post-traumatic growth, explains how people can bounce back after experiencing trauma. Along with colleagues she offered a pie chart of happiness: 50% biology/genetics, 10% life circumstances, and 40% intentional activity. Today she admits that this was a gross oversimplification. You already were skeptical, I’m guessing. I know that I was skeptical. Percentages regarding people are tricky estimates.

There is a takeaway though — early life circumstances do not define you 100% and your intentional activities matter a lot! Individuals with passion and persistence traipse through weedy territory and find “cures.” People often become more mature post-trauma. There are pearls among the weeds.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

105. What post-traumatic growth have you experienced in your life?

106. How can you set an intention today to create your brand of happyness?

“The itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain and the itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the spout AGAIN.”

How many times do spiders have to begin over (and over AGAIN) when some trespasser or storm disrupts their carefully constructed home? We have this in common with spiders – transitioning!

Transitions are everywhere these days: from job changes to retirement, from belated weddings post-pandemic to divorces, from bodily repairs to death of loved ones. The pandemic stopped many in their web-building. It may be time to address some transition in your life. The pandemic is a transitioning coach.

Instead of focusing on isolation, some individuals savor working from home. Extra time and expense saved from a non-commute worklife seem too good to be true. Zoom created job flexibility. Many retirees learned how to zoom and find much to like about safe possibilities. Zoom weddings and divorces are not so desirable, while zooming doctor appointments and memorial services have both pluses and minuses.

Author and host of two prime-time series on PBS, Bruce Feiler has a new book: Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age. Feilercollected 225 life stories from people of all ages and backgrounds from all 50 states. He copied Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard in engaging strangers in what the loner philosopher once referred to as “people baths.” Here are a few tidbits Feiler discovered in his 3-year-long “people bathing:”

• We go through transitions more frequently today.
• Today we face an epidemic of disruptions or lifequakes.
• Our ability to handle lifequakes has not increased to keep up with so many changes.
• 87% of lifequakes were personal; 13% were collective.
• 43% of people’s transitions were voluntary (originated by the individuals), while 57% were involuntary (as in being fired at work or divorced).
• 75% admitted that their biggest lifequake necessitated a re-write of their life story.
• People enter a transition before their mind even realizes it.
• Even if you do not mark a transition in some way, your body may remember.
• Rituals or ceremonies can add meaning in transitions as they restore belonging and purpose.

Although we seldom think about it this way, minister Robert Fulghum points out that our lives are “endless ritual” (From Beginning to End: The Rituals of Our Lives). While graduations, weddings, and memorial services are common rituals, commemoration rituals are incredibly diverse. They may be public or private, spontaneous or arranged.

Are you re-writing your life story after any lifequake you may have in your life? People have a need to name their many transitions and find rituals to commemorate them.

Are there spider considerations of where to recreate the next web? Is it time to downsize? Does the spider take time for any ritual before beginning the new web?

 Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

103. What transitions have you experienced in pandemic times?

104. How might you create unique rituals for your transitions?  

What does flourishing mean to you? Is there an age span for flourishing? I do not put age limits on an individual’s thriving, but aspects of our culture have a bias against an individual’s abilities as they age.

Actor Cary Grant was sent a telegraph from Encyclopedia Britan­nica (oldie, but goodie territory). The telegram read, “How old Cary Grant?”  Whether he kept a straight face or not, Grant telegraphed back, “Old Cary Grant fine. How you?” It is a commentary on our culture’s views of aging that in his final movie-making years, Grant said that he was reviewed for how old he looked instead of how great or second-rate his movie was for public consumption.

All of us want to “rate” or flourish in some fashion. I feel privileged to have “rated” in this year’s Illinois Woman’s Press Association Professional Communications Contest for a blog entry. “Pearls of Strength” (12-13-21) won First Place in Web & Social Media: Blog, Nonprofit (government or educational category). Thankfully, no one asked me, “How old?”  

Flourishing is in the eye of the beholder and aging qualities, to a certain extent, also are variable. Consider the attitude of author Sarah Delany (On My Own at 107): “…friends that are 20, 30 years younger come in here and tell me they’re worried about me, but to tell you the truth, I think I look better than they do. They come huffing and puffing up the steps and I’m thinking, ‘I hope you don’t die in my parlor!’ Isn’t that naughty?”  

Another cultural misstep has been to look at flourishing predominantly within the limited lens of the mainstream population. Sociologist Deborah Carr intends to enlarge research findings to include looking into people who flourish in adversity. Through an ambitious grant application to the Templeton World Charity Foundation, Boston University’s Carr nabbed one of 11 grants to study flourishing. An interdisciplinary team currently is studying flourishing among school drop-outs embroiled in the juvenile justice system, inmates serving long-term sentences, and newly-arrived refugees from Somalia and Afghanistan.

Carr urges that we develop an “overarching theory of flourishing in adversity.” The goal is too good to be true: create a future that promotes possibilities for people living in categories of adversity! Every person deserves to feel a sense of belonging and safety; everyone needs opportunities for flourishing.                                                                                                                                                 

Reread my “Pearls of Strength: “We are missing out if we do not care about the personal best from each person. We need each person’s flow in the flock…Is your flow tank full? It is a possibility that we could be a people of murmuration, flowing together to resolve the weighty issues of life.

What is one of your stories of flourishing in your life this year? If you cannot think of one, start something new today! Flow and flourish!

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

101. How might you find more ways to flourish in the coming months?

102. What might you do to support flourishing in other individuals?   

Blog Birthday! July 21^st  marks the one-year birthday of my weekly Pearls of Peace blog! I am reminded of the double-faced Roman god, Janus, often thought to represent beginnings/endings.

The month of January is a namesake of Janus and represents a beginning. Romans held a festival on January 9^th with offerings to Janus, but the beginning of a day and the beginning of a new month also were considered sacred. I like the idea of reflecting on beginnings. Each new day holds a potential for personal peace. Each beginning month offers new possibilities for beginning peaceful initiatives.

I was not named Janis for this Roman god (or king by some research), however I am intrigued by the symbolism that Janus represents. With double faces, one looking to the future and the other looking to the past, Janus represents transitions, time passages, doorways and dichotomies. Several possible dualities of Janus include beginning/end, youth/adulthood, birth/death, barbarism/civilization, and war/peace.                                       

Many jani, or ceremonial gates, were used for a departing Roman army. One particular gate was a shrine named Janus Geminus or “Twin Janus.” Shrine doors were left open when Rome was involved in war; closed doors were a sign of peacetime. According to one Roman historian, the Twin Janus gates were closed only twice between the 7^th century BC and 1^st century BC. For example, the doors to the Janus shrine were closed in 235 BC and Janus (briefly) was considered the “guardian” of peace. Apparently, Roman soldiers did not receive much leave time.

It is uncanny that in 2000+ years we have not learned how to problem-solve our differences across cultures and still have an “open door” to one war after another today. Peace always seems in peril. Is war easy compared to peace?

A lot has happened since last July — another month named for a Roman superstar, Julius Caesar, in 44 BC. Originally the month was named Quintilis, standing for the 5^th month in the Roman calendar. Quintilis was renamed July as it was Julius’ birth month! Beginnings of people’s lives and their choices in evolving events hold great significance for many generations.

A lot has not happened since last July. We have a world in peril, embroiled in dichotomies. Who could have guessed the number of raw events in our country since last July? Who predicted a war-ravaged Ukraine? Yet, here we are. Peaceful problem-solving is still a possibility.

Emily Dickinson’s phrase, “the mob within the heart,” captures the notion of the many dichotomies we each carry in our minds. Yet, we have this new day for beginnings. How will you open or close gates in your mind today?  

If you have been reading these weekly Monday AM blogs, you already know that I have more questions than answers.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

100. Just one final question today: What has this blog meant — or not meant — to you?  

I was traveling in British Columbia with my family on July 4^th. There were no fireworks, but I did see a magnificent bald eagle. Canadian news showed violent fire working in Highland Park, IL, as gunfire showered down from a rooftop shooter onto a crowd of happy parade-watchers gathered to celebrate U.S. Independence Day.

There is something terribly wrong in America when war rifles are unleashed upon innocent folks who are watching a parade, studying in elementary, high school or college, attending their church or synagogue, buying groceries or shopping in a mall, enjoying an outdoor concert or music in a club, driving their car, or just walking on a city sidewalk.

We need a national motto for peace. Wait, we have one! E pluribus unam is Latin for “out of many, one.” Our democracy’s motto refers to the formation of one nation from 13 “original” colonies. This motto appears on the Great Seal of the U.S. established in 1782. A bald eagle holds a ribbon with the wording in its beak.  

The bald eagle grasps peace — symbolized in an olive branch with 13 olives and 13 leaves in one strong claw — however 13 arrows are clutched in the other claw to symbolize war. While the eagle is turned to face the olive branch, it is ever vigilant or ready for war. How did the founders of this seal use arrows in their messaging but did not consider that indigenous people might have been a “colony” of folks too? This oversight still exists in today’s turbulence.  

While singing about the land of the brave, we Americans are not very inclusive of brave people who appear “different.” It is significant that the mass killing fields in the U.S. are on the rise. By one account, there were 63 mass shootings in May and 65 in June.  

It seems that everyone feels edgy. With great uncertainty, there is an unraveling of our “we” ribbon where people look after each other and make the common good a priority. Researchers find that when neighbors share a belief that they can collectively overcome crime, there is significantly less violence. Psychologist Albert Bandura named this phenomenon collective efficacy. He discovered that when educators believe that their collective actions will influence student behavior, there are significant gains in student achievement.

In the wild, eagles demonstrate aspects of collective efficacy. They embrace family values, usually bonding for life. Life partners cooperate in building (or reusing) a giant nest and in tending young eaglets. Some eagle parents receive assistance feeding the young from one or more unattached adults: this collective effort contributes to survival of the species.

We are the handlers to contribute to the survival of our species. Let’s increase our human tending for ALL our precious young and fulfill a peaceful motto: “out of many, one.”

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

98. Who might you look after this week? 

99. What collective actions can you initiate for the common good?

Roses and garlic scapes (flower buds of hardneck garlic) are neighbors in my garden. Each has a distinctive scent. However, both combine their talents of beauty and whimsy in flower bouquets. Cutting-back is helpful, as both thrive best when pruned. Garlic scapes are tasty and by cutting back the scapes, the buried garlic bulb grows larger. Similarly, it is through pruning that future roses increase growing power.

What needs pruning in your internal garden of thoughts/emotions/sensations for your growth? This week I found several parts in my personality that could use a little cut-back. My worried thinking does not leave much room for creative problem solving. By cutting back “what-if________” fears about the future, there is space for growth in one’s total outlook. Mark Twain adds a note of humor: “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

Multi-instrumentalist Randy Armstrong, co-founder of Do’a World Music Ensemble, composed this worry advice: “Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace.”

Anxiety and worry are at a high pitch in our world today. We are compromising our personalities with our crescendo worrying. What we need is more creative thinking. Pause your defensive worry thoughts. Ask if they hold any stereotypic thinking. 

Inventor and psychologist William J. J. Gordon (yes, there are 2 J’s) suggested that the mind has 2 basic jobs: 1) “Make the strange familiar” — through incorporating new experiences and facts into what you already know; 2) “Make the familiar strange” – by freeing something already believed from some stereotypes you have gathered throughout your life. Bill Gordon was a creativity guru. All of us might benefit from more creative thinking when the “strange” keeps propagating every day.     

Guns cannot be safe-guarded with open carry privileges and a political winner-takes-all agenda. There are no winners in “open carry,” unless you count gun manufacturers and gun stores as the A-team in America. History will not look favorably upon the U.S. obsession with guns. Ironically, it now is OK to have “open carry” guns while women’s liberty about carrying unwanted (and sometimes dangerous) pregnancies have been pruned. Will gun manufactures offer to pay hospital bills for those with gunshot wounds? Will state legislators take on raising children?

Just as a garden has opposite kinds of plants living in peace, we need to figure out how to make peace with those who hold different viewpoints. We must create harmony on our common planet with limited resources. Shared plants and music can bring people together. Perhaps we need a planetary anthem.

Anthropologist Margaret Mead has an encore quote: “One characteristic of Americans is that they have no tolerance at all of anybody putting up with anything. We believe that whatever is going wrong ought to be fixed.”  Let’s fix our thinking. Let’s celebrate independence from defensive thinking this July 4^th!

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

96. What can you do this week that stems from creative thinking?

97. How might you contribute to planetary peace?   

Are you a weeder? Folks, I’m talking about gardening here. If you are anywhere near a garden, you will notice that there are weeds (even in some gardens with careful weeders). Did you know that the definition of a weed is a plant in the wrong place? What one individual considers “weedy” may be different from another’s viewpoint. I’m calling dandelions a weed in my yard, as they are trying to replace my grass. They also blow themselves willy-nilly into my garden beds. I have an organic garden and dandelions are taking advantage of land without toxic products.

Dandelion greens are considered a health food, but I always found that they taste bitter. Recently I learned from a registered dietitian that it is only the stem that is bitter! There are health benefits in eating dandies — they lower blood pressure; reduce cholesterol and triglyceride levels; fight inflammation; aid in blood sugar management and weight loss; offer vitamins A, C, E and K; deliver iron, calcium, magnesium and potassium; provide high levels of the antioxidant carotene; promote liver health; support healthy digestion; treat constipation; and may have anticancer effects along with boosting overall immune health. Oops! I just gave up 2 barrels of dandy greens.  

When I was in graduate school for 5 years, I did crewel embroidery as my go-to relaxation. One of my projects was a wall hanging of dandelions. They looked cute when I did not own a yard. It took me a long time to grasp the “big picture.”

Swiss psychologist Carl Jung had ideas for the “big picture” in human nature. Many misunderstand his concept of individuation, thinking that it is merely navel-gazing or being selfish, although Jung stated, “… the individual is not just a single, separate being… his [her, or their] very existence presupposes a collective relationship…the process of individuation must lead to more intense and broader collective relationships and not to isolation.”

People separate themselves from dandelions, but especially from other people with differing viewpoints. We each have a garden of thoughts/emotions/sensations filled with both annual ones (temporary) and perennial ones (long-lasting over years). You can decide whether your internal thinking has more blooming flowers or take-over weeds. I am aware that my garden as well as my internal thinking have some of each. I would like to tell you that my internal garden is “blooming” all day but it is not true. However, it is hard to admit to weedy behavior, especially if we are not aware of it.

What if all of us recognized our thoughts that “weed out” others? What if we understood a bigger picture that included other people’s “weeds?” Perhaps they planted their thinking in the wrong place. For example, anger often is displaced in the wrong place. Anger often cuts us off from understanding one another.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

94. When have you felt cut-off from other people?  

95. What do you do when you realize that you are in cut-off mode?    

Remember shadowy “Deep Throat” from the Watergate scandal? Do you know who owned that nickname? I did not, but Google knows. Reporters discuss the January 6, 2021 presidential scandal and keep referencing Watergate. Nixon loyalists had chanted “witch hunt” in 1972, but the dirty tricks were real. This sad choice of words has reappeared, but the dirty tricks are deadly.

It turns out that few knew the mystery-throated person’s identity — until 31 years after Nixon’s resignation (11 years after Nixon’s death). A former FBI Associate Director named Mark Felt (1913-2008) was “Deep Throat.” Felt had denied unwanted fame earlier, but in 2005 a family attorney broke the story when Felt had dementia at age 91. Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, then reporters for The Washington Post, had received secretive information about the Watergate burglars directly from Felt and confirmed the truth.

When truth is stranger than fiction, you know there is more to the story. The catchy “Deep Throat” label was issued by Howard Simons, a managing editor of The Washington Post. Simons copied the salacious nickname from a 1972 pornographic movie by the same name.  

Now, 50 years after the Watergate break-in on June 17, 1972, we are embroiled in another presidential no-no, only this time the stakes are so much higher and for so many more U.S. citizens. We might call this tragedy “Deep Water.” In the Watergate episode, police arrested 5 men in suits. So far, the number of folks charged in the January 6^th “Deep Water” disaster — some wearing military fatigues and brandishing American flag poles as battering rams to breach the Capitol — comes to 865 and counting.

All the President’s Men, the movie version of Watergate, won 4 Academy Awards. I’m guessing that someone will make a movie out of the shocking January 6^th events, but no future awards can rescue the trauma-soaked lives of countless families from the real-life drama at the Capitol.   

If you have been a Pearls of Peace reader, you may recall the trauma drama of how a pearl is born  (See “Pearls and Trauma,” 7-21-21: “…pearls have a trauma history…conception occurs as a natural defense against an intruder.”) America desperately needs to create pearls of peace out of trauma intruding upon democracy.

Pearls are incredibly diverse. We need to celebrate our diverse America. Have we forgotten poet and refugee advocate Emma Lazarus’ words? Although asked to write a poem, her words were forgotten and not inscribed on the Statue of Liberty until after her death (at age 38). “Give me your tired, your poor / Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…” stands for precious democratic principles.

Everyone deserves to exercise liberty in voting. Everyone deserves assurance that their vote is honored. Correct vote tallies will keep us out of “Deep Water.” Voting defines our country’s pearl, democracy.   

 Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

92. When have you taken a stand for democratic principles in your life?

93. What might you do today to protect democratic values?

Guns do not have to be the way the cookie crumbles (or a child dies). I am sickened to see over and over the pictures of innocent children proudly holding their Honor Roll certificates just before they were gunned down in a classroom with balloons to celebrate their achievement. Blame cannot ease the anguish of the surviving students and staff or the tormented “If only I had….” guilt reactions from families of victims. We need problem-solving.

Yes, we must de-stigmatize mental health services and provide more outlets for folks to receive compassionate support both in schools and their communities. Yes, we must have gun security measures in every state. But what about the soul of America?

There have been other challenges over centuries in the U.S. in allowing every child’s birthright, a right to receive a good education in a peaceful school, but we must act collectively this time. It is the children from previous school shootings who seem most capable of leading us forward. The term “full circle” comes to mind.

Mandala is the Sanskrit word for circle. In India the mandala is a spiritual symbol. Both in Egypt and India the circle represents a snake eating its own tail. I ate the gun circle cookie that was given to me. Named the ouroboros (Greek for tail-devouring snake),the symbolism behind the circle is renewal. I believe renewal is possible in America. Call me a cockeyed optimist.

Today mandalas are used as coloring projects for both children and adults. Ancient Indian mandalas (or colored circles) were used as a focal point to regard the sacred space of meditation. Psychologist Carl Jung interpreted mandalas to mean an integration of opposites. What we need today is for individuals with opposing views to color together on the same mandala page, or to find renewal of common humanity together.

When will our law-makers come together in their rotundas in most state capitals and in Washington, DC to make a common mandala? We cannot let these circular sacred spaces be used primarily for lying-in-state memorials for the prominent dead.

I wrote the above lines early Sunday morning. Then I went to church and was surprised by a snippet of synchronicity! Our beloved children in Religious Education were featured – pictures of their assembled mandala with flowers, leaves, and other objects from nature were projected on a large screen. The children had covered a circular tabletop with an intricate mandala design! Children model renewal for us daily.  

In The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde wrote about the Venetian merchant Marco Polo witnessing people living on the island of Zipangu (Japan) put rose-colored pearls in the mouths of the dead. Let’s not say good-by so early to precious pearl children.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

90. What child can you think of who needs to hear from you how precious they are?

91. In what ways can you come together with another who may have views opposite of yours?

The precious peony flower is a time capsule, albeit a very brief one. Our life plots are time capsules bonding one generation to the next in interdependence. Ojibwe environmentalist Winona LaDuke understands interdependence: “What we have is because someone stood up before us. What our Seventh Generation will have will be a consequence of our actions today.”

“What is it that you DO with your time?” Lin-Manuel Miranda told his interviewer, Willie Geist, that his synopsis of his famous Broadway hit, Hamilton, revolved around this question. It is an everyday question for ALL of us. Actions make differences.

I admit that I have spent much unskillful time focused on recent news of the day, although I am turning more to PBS for what I call “wholesome TV.” I love PBS’s Classical Stretch at 7:00 AM on weekdays with former Canadian ballerina Miranda Esmonde-White. Exercising to classical music (with sunny views of an ocean backdrop) involves present-moment aliveness. With the morning weather turning warmer, my AM habit now intersperses mornings of Tai Chi in a local park with others where I enjoy swaying like a peony in the breeze. Since April, 2020, I join with 40-50 others in an everyday meditation group for 20 minutes of meditation time — another “wholesome” action. I celebrate our time-capsule minutes.

After my mother died in February, I joined an online writing class with Natalie Goldberg (Writing Down the Bones) and found much of my writing to Natalie’s prompts were connected to grieving. This was no surprise to me. What did surprise me was how frequently others wrote about loss. Did the pandemic loosen our collective psyches on grieving? The staggering one-million-death mark can make one take notice of grief.

Our culture is not welcoming of grief-talk. People may ask you, “How are you doing?” although long drawn-out remarks rarely are encouraged. Often it is in the drawn-out remarking (or writing) that healing from loss scabs can layer up. The past few months of the Russian-Ukrainian tragedy and the past few weeks of one U.S. mass shooting after another leaves massive scarring; many are dumbfounded with grief.

Perhaps we need more non-verbal grieving rituals like those in ancient Greece. The Greek people used hair in grieving symbolism: hair might be cut or burned by mourners with the locks of the deceased hung by doorways. People have an interdependent need for others to witness their grieving. I am wearing my mother’s butterfly jewelry.

When I share thoughts on my mind, it may prod another to open up to slightly different thinking. Others’ feedback (often privately off-line) then carries my thinking forward. This is how interdependence is strung in present-time.

Precious peonies both grieve the loss of petals                                                                           and celebrate springtime                                                                     with meditative calmness and joy,                                   as grieving and celebrating are interdependent pearls in the time-capsule of life.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

88. What is it, exactly, that you do with your daily time?

89. What actions would you like to add to your week?