Grief Pearls

The precious peony flower is a time capsule, albeit a very brief one. Our life plots are time capsules bonding one generation to the next in interdependence. Ojibwe environmentalist Winona LaDuke understands interdependence: “What we have is because someone stood up before us. What our Seventh Generation will have will be a consequence of our actions today.”

“What is it that you DO with your time?” Lin-Manuel Miranda told his interviewer, Willie Geist, that his synopsis of his famous Broadway hit, Hamilton, revolved around this question. It is an everyday question for ALL of us. Actions make differences.

I admit that I have spent much unskillful time focused on recent news of the day, although I am turning more to PBS for what I call “wholesome TV.” I love PBS’s Classical Stretch at 7:00 AM on weekdays with former Canadian ballerina Miranda Esmonde-White. Exercising to classical music (with sunny views of an ocean backdrop) involves present-moment aliveness. With the morning weather turning warmer, my AM habit now intersperses mornings of Tai Chi in a local park with others where I enjoy swaying like a peony in the breeze. Since April, 2020, I join with 40-50 others in an everyday meditation group for 20 minutes of meditation time — another “wholesome” action. I celebrate our time-capsule minutes.

After my mother died in February, I joined an online writing class with Natalie Goldberg (Writing Down the Bones) and found much of my writing to Natalie’s prompts were connected to grieving. This was no surprise to me. What did surprise me was how frequently others wrote about loss. Did the pandemic loosen our collective psyches on grieving? The staggering one-million-death mark can make one take notice of grief.

Our culture is not welcoming of grief-talk. People may ask you, “How are you doing?” although long drawn-out remarks rarely are encouraged. Often it is in the drawn-out remarking (or writing) that healing from loss scabs can layer up. The past few months of the Russian-Ukrainian tragedy and the past few weeks of one U.S. mass shooting after another leaves massive scarring; many are dumbfounded with grief.

Perhaps we need more non-verbal grieving rituals like those in ancient Greece. The Greek people used hair in grieving symbolism: hair might be cut or burned by mourners with the locks of the deceased hung by doorways. People have an interdependent need for others to witness their grieving. I am wearing my mother’s butterfly jewelry.

When I share thoughts on my mind, it may prod another to open up to slightly different thinking. Others’ feedback (often privately off-line) then carries my thinking forward. This is how interdependence is strung in present-time.

Precious peonies both grieve the loss of petals                                                                           and celebrate springtime                                                                     with meditative calmness and joy,                                   as grieving and celebrating are interdependent pearls in the time-capsule of life.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz:

88. What is it, exactly, that you do with your daily time?

89. What actions would you like to add to your week?