
At the risk of no one reading beyond the second sentence, I have intriguing news for you. Your desire to be “comfortable” may hold you back from personal growth. Ouch. Keep reading.
Researchers Kaitlin Woolley (Marketing Professor, Cornell University) and Ayelet Fishbach (Managerial Psychology Professor, University of Chicago) engaged 2100 individuals in experiments of personal growth. Their “growth” topics included improv classes, journaling about emotions, COVID-19 learning, gun violence, and political opposition among folks.
While addressing their assigned topic, some individuals were instructed that their goal was to “feel uncomfortable” (perhaps awkward, nervous, anxious, or even upset). Furthermore, these participants were told to push past their comfort zone and embrace uncomfortable feelings as a signal that the activity was “working.” The control group received no instructions other than to focus on learning about their topic.
Fascinating results included that those told to accept discomfort were the more engaged participants! They displayed more motivation and believed they achieved more in their learning. They took in information from news sources that they would not otherwise read (either the New York Times or Fox News). Improv participants took more risks in performing on stage, while those in the journaling topic wrote more emotional diary entries.
Woolley and Fishbach concluded, “People should seek the discomfort inherent in growth as a sign of progress instead of avoiding it.” After years as a family therapist in private practice, I can vouch for hard-won benefits of working through discomfort – from giving birth to coping with grieving.
Consider research results on expressive writing with 50 senior engineers (average age of 52) who were laid off from a large computer company with no forewarning. Most had worked for their company for 30 years. Months later when the engineers had not found new employment, they were feeling bitter. Of those who were asked to write their deepest thoughts and emotions (for 30 minutes a day for 5 consecutive days) about being laid off , 27% of them landed new jobs within 3 months!
Less than 5 % of those in no-writing or time-management control groups found a job. And guess what…all participants went on the same number of job interviews!
Engineers’ emotional writing made a difference in addressing underlying hostility toward their former employer. As additional benefits, psychologist James Pennebaker and colleagues found that mindful writing had positive health effects; fewer stress-related visits to a physician, improved immune system functioning, reduced blood pressure, improved lung and liver functioning, fewer days spent in a hospital, improved mood, and a feeling of greater psychological wellbeing were results of the engineers’ heart-felt writing.
Remember that pearls are born from dubious details: an irritant– even a contrary food particle–becomes trapped in the parent mollusk’s shell. Irritation is apparent everywhere in our culture today. Our task is to name our discomfort and grow from it. Changes in life are fertilizer for new dreams.
Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz
163. What irritates you today?
164. How might you grow from any discomfort in your life?








