Memorial Mammals

Gigantic blue whales (100+ feet long) were rescued from extinction in the 1960’s. Hunters gorged on profits from whale meat, oil, and baleen. Blue whale numbers fell from nearly 350,000 to approximately 400 in the late 20^th century. While these mammals slowly grow in numbers, they remain an endangered species due to marine pollution and climate change on an uptick.

Today is Memorial Day when we mourn a different mammal’s demise – humans (average height 5.5 feet). In addition to pollution and climate changes that threaten humankind, our species seems fixated on wars. It is impossible to know an approximate numbers of soldiers and civilians who lost life in war-related “hunting” in different desired profits, especially land grabs, and/or power over certain “others.”

I received an education about war and its lingering trauma effects when working with veterans in my family therapy private practice. I cannot imagine being sent to a far-away place and then hunting down the people who live there, whether soldier or civilian. How could one know from a distance if a person was the intended target? The term “collateral damage” bothers me. Civilian casualties are considered murder in circumstances not bound by military definitions. Veterans in countless wars shot their guns “in the air” rather than killing another of their kind. When we give air to all the stories from veterans, perhaps we then might engage in civil problem-solving.

However, it is no wonder that veterans decline to speak about their experiences. They carry an emotional backpack that they believe they must hide and protect. Who can make the personal decision to dishonor their government’s orders? Returning Vietnam soldiers felt scammed when realizing the war hoax of a President who did not know how to end disastrous results. Coupled with personal value systems shattered, soldiers suffer silently.

I once participated as a volunteer in an innovative program called Vet Art. We used forms of art to engage Vietnam War veterans in coping with their lingering trauma. Like my veteran clients, both men and women soldiers told war grief stories of shame and guilt. While listening to and caring for other vets in a safe group environment, soldiers discovered that their emotions were universal although each had unique ways of exiling the pain they lugged through current life.

Americans have a lot to learn about grieving from the Dutch. Beginning in 1945 Dutch citizens “adopted” the graves of 8,301 U.S. soldiers buried in the Margraten American Cemetery. Considering U.S. soldiers their liberators in preserving democracy, Dutch families have preserved this grave adoption for 70 years. Many graves are passed on, generation to generation, even writing the respectful grieving ritual into wills. Dutch families search for and contact families of their adopted fallen soldier. On Memorial Days, some biological family members attend ceremonies with their Dutch-adopting family. Might such cross-culture caring keep us from extinction?

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

397. What stories linger for you about war experiences?

398. How might you honor cross-culture sacrifices today?