Tag: anger

Anger Remedies

As a long-time student of problem-solving and conflict resolution, I am troubled by the news cycle of raw conflicts in our country. Animosity too often turns to not-so-veiled threats or violent behavior against an imagined “other.” Political individuals report a slew of death threats and in some unbelievable instances, they or their family members have been violently attacked. Anger is palpable from town hall meetings to houses of worship.   

Margaret Cullen, a marriage and family therapist as well as a mindfulness teacher, identifies what is happening when anger’s slippery slope devolves into cruelty and/or violence. She gives a first-person accounting: “When I reflect honestly, I notice that my most volatile reactions are tied to things I hate in myself—places I’ve missed the mark or failed to live up to my own ideals. Outrage becomes a shield, a projection, a way of disowning what is hard to face internally…easier to demonize the other than to wrestle with my own complicity.”  Such truth-telling seems like a place to begin a much-needed remedy to anger.

Cullen’s upcoming book, Quiet Strength: Find Peace, Feel Alive, and Love Boundlessly Through the Power of Equanimity, might be required reading for politicians. As Cullen outlines her approach, an ethical value system is key: “Simply put: Unethical conduct breeds agitation; ethical conduct fosters peace. And agitation is fertile ground for outrage and projection to take root. Throw in some social media and global instability, and you are well on your way to zealotry. Peace is fertile ground for perspective and clarity to grow. Toss in some honest self-reflection and an intention for greater integrity, and you can harness the energy of outrage toward creative solutions and effective engagement.”

Yes, self-reflection, insight, and an awareness of one’s value system are always a good idea, whether the topic is anger or anything else. However, we do not see things clearly much of the time. We experience anger or some other strong emotion and imagine that it is “justified.” We do not recognize that our anger rides shotgun in the front seat of our personality pickup truck as a protector from fear, insecurity, and other tender parts of ourselves. I reflected upon this lack of self-clarity when I looked through a clouded-over glass window in a door in my new home. The murky window blocked my view of roses growing outside this doorway. Once the double-pane failed glass was replaced, roses could be appreciated with clear sightlines.   

I appreciate the metaphor in a Scottish tune, Looking at a Rainbow Through a Dirty Window (by Scottish Uilleann piper and flute player Calum Stewart, arranged for harp by Rachel Hair). Listening to peaceful music, especially with others, is a remedy for what ails. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pyp3p3gRQcQ

Are you looking for rainbows and peaceful, creative solutions these days? I am.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

431. When do you catch yourself projecting your own outrage onto an “other” person?

431. How might we best enhance ethical conduct in groups of people?                   

ANGER: The Trauma Within

Le Penseur (The Poet), Auguste Rodin, 1904, Musee Rodin, Paris

Do you have anger about the Presidential election results? Perhaps your anger has other targets, but anger is rampant these days. Drivers on the expressway seem impatient and angry, cutting off their partner drivers as if broadcasting, “Watch out! Get out of my way! I’m changing lanes — whether it’s good for you or not.” This Presidential election reminds me of such drivers; voters chose a candidate with a me-first mentality, only they cannot see that they may be next to be cut off in some future way.

It’s hard to remember that anger is only a part of your personality when it feels like a dangerous drone inside your bodymind is prepped for a destructive lift-off. Whoever is in the path of anger demolition, innocent or not, watch out!

Anger is not about “the enemy within,” but the trauma within. Anger is a protective emotion. It protects our own trauma within — our fears, our grieving, our insecurities, our prejudices and other vulnerabilities we disown in our personalities. All of us have fears, grieving, insecurities, prejudices and other vulnerabilities. “Who me?” you ask. Yes, all of us.

It takes introspective reckoning to admit to all parts of one’s personality.

French Auguste Rodin created The Poet sculpture (also known as The Thinker) as one part of a large commission – Gates of Hell –– for a doorway surround in 1880. His inspiration was Dante’s 14,233-line Divine Comedy. How can it be that Dante’s opening lines in 1300 seem relevant to 2024? Well, he wrote at a time of intense political disagreement in Florence, Italy:

“Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, / For the straightforward pathway had been lost. /  Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say /  What was this forest savage, rough, and stern,  /  Which in the very thought renews the fear….”

Despite its name invoking entertainment, Divine Comedy (La Commedia) is a fire-and-brimstone allegory. It depicts three layers of an afterlife – Inferno (Hell), Purgatoria, and Paradiso – for the human traveler whose life journey is one of passionate anger, resentment, love, justice and faith. There is a moral in this Early Renaissance epic poem: redemption is possible if one repents sins. Dante distinguished between a weakness-of-will sin and sins characterized by deliberate will.

If visuals interest you more than a 6-hour read, see National Gallery of Art depictions: https://www.nga.gov/stories/dante-divine-comedy-in-art.html   

Whether or not your anger feels passionate on this Veterans’ Day of painful remembrances, anger always requires our attention. I cut off weedy stalks in my garden as one way of dissipating my anger last week. Then I listened to beautiful music. Like other emotional parts of our personalities, a current anger brings up previous times we felt angry. I greeted numerous memories of anger last week. I own them and I can heal them.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz 

341. What role does anger play in your everyday life?

342. How do you greet and heal your anger in a safe manner?