Tag: mental-health

Self-Communication Grit

Social work researcher Brené Brown teaches employees how to fail. She calls this training “Daring Leadership.” Millennial employees and interns make up half of her staff. She reports that nearly every Millennial who works with her has confided some version of a kind of innocence: “I never learned how to have these kinds of conversations.” “I never learned about emotions or how to talk so openly about failure, and I’ve never seen it modeled.” “When you’re used to using technology for everything, these hard face-to-face conversations are awkward and so intense.”

If tough communication skills are not taught at home, then public education might pick up the slack. However, schools do not like the word “failure” any better than parents. This communication grit training then falls to OJT, or on-the-job training, the great teacher in most work settings.

I recently read that researchers report evidence for humans speaking as many as20,000 to 75,000 different languages in a timeframe between 1,000 and 3,000 years ago. I wondered if early humans had vocabulary for failure or disappointment in any of their languages. According to an internet search, every culture has a linguistic version of mistakes, or lack of success. However, it is impossible to know vocabulary from thousands of years ago! Many questions have few clear answers.

Irish organizational consultant Annette Clancy did her PhD research on emotion in organizations with a questioning focus on disappointment. She found that the wider the gap between expectation and reality, the greater the disappointment. Major disappointment entails a grieving process, even if the reality of some special thing happening never existed. This applies to one’s work as well as one’s relationships, but disappointment frequently is masked by distracting or numbing oneself. Most of us have little training in addressing our disappointments.

Disappointments need communication, often first with ourselves.  And we need passion plus perseverance (grit) to be frank in our self-communication. Why exactly are we disappointed? It is only one part of one’s personality, but it can link up with a chain of personality parts that exude vulnerability, blame and/or anger, the other parts that we try to avoid.

Your disappointment has roots. This simple recognition is a starting place for some investigation. What were your expectations about a given situation? What were some earlier times when you were disappointed? Can you think of any disappointments from your childhood years? Was some failure ignored or denied at that time? It is time to admit failures, flubs, and disappointments. In fact, learning from failure may be key to creativity. Post-it Notes were created from “failed” weak glue.

Let’s adopt Brené Brown’s approach: “No vulnerability, no creativity. No tolerance for failure, no innovation. It is that simple. If you’re not willing to fail, you can’t innovate. If you’re not willing to build a vulnerable culture, you can’t create.”

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

520. When has a disappointment eventually led you to innovate?

521. What gets in the way of meeting your goals?

Self-Care Pearls

A survey of employees in the region of Delhi, India found that cardiovascular disease, diabetes, hypertension, anxiety, and sleep disorders are increasingly the norm in the population of 30–40-year-olds. The health of this age group in the U.S. also is remarkable for chronic issues, especially obesity, depression, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure; in 2023, 6 in 10 young adults and 8 in 10 midlife adults reported 1 or more chronic conditions.  A steady rise in prevalence of early health concerns over the past 20 years in the U.S. is a canary in the coal mine for what may lie ahead for these individuals as they age.

While we have just “finished” World Health Organization’s Self-Care Month (June 24 – July 24), support for self-care needs continual daily recognition if we want to change the trajectory of overall world-wide wellness. This was the intention of the International Self-Care Foundation in naming July 24th for special emphasis: the date was selected for the 24/7 nature of self-care. Yes, how one sleeps is one critical support in wellness (including productive, longer, and happier lives).

The Global Self-Care Federation based in Geneva, Switzerland, suggests that the self-care focus ought to be on resilience. Recalling lessons you learned from COVID-19 might apply here. Perhaps you discovered resilience in new dimensions. COVID was a world-wide epidemic. We learned from many countries how to create community-building in new ways. When everyone makes a commitment in support of global self-care, everyone will be better off. The skyrocketing costs of health care are not sustainable. But the real reason for supporting better wellness globally is about the quality of life for everyone.

International Self-Care Day 2026 (observed 7-24) lists their theme as “Self-Care Puts Your Health in Your Hands: Test. Track. Thrive.” Here is a simple way to show compassion and self-care for yourself: pick 1 thing for your resilient attention – your sleep routine, your diet, your emotional status, your exercise – and track it for 7 days. Notice what needs support. Resolve to work on one wellness promise.

Peggy Swarbrick, occupational therapist and researcher, defines wellness as “a conscious, deliberate process that requires being aware of and making choices for a more satisfying lifestyle.” She identifies 8 interconnected dimensions of wellness: emotional, physical, intellectual, environmental, social, spiritual, financial, and occupational. From setting aside time for a meditation practice to developing a new hobby (perhaps finding a pen pal for snail mail), you will chart your own course.

Indian yoga guru B.K.S. Iyengar uses the musical word, “harmony” in defining health: “Health is a state of complete harmony of the body, mind, and spirit.” I call the resiliency process to achieve this complete harmony “rewiring.” Do not leave your rewiring actions up to chance! Consciously rewire your personality and ability skill set to evolve as you make day-to-day choices with self-care in mind.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

518. What does your self-care promise look like?

519. How will you gain more wellness this week?

Brain Inventories

June is Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month. Do you need help checking your brain’s inventory? I recently met “Tally” making cooing noises while she gracefully glided down the paint aisle at Lowe’s; she was checking shelf inventory. My curiosity ever present, I inquired if Tally might replace a worker. The answer was yes.

How long will it be before the Tally’s of the world (or out of this world) are AI responsible caretakers for all the individuals who need careful checking just to make it through a day? Alzheimer’s disease (AD) is spreading unchecked. According to the World Health Organization, the world-wide number of people expected to have an AD diagnosis is 82 million by 2030. Alzheimer’s Association reports 7.4 million Americans have AD currently; U.S. AD deaths doubled since 2000.

While AD symptoms can vary, personality and behavior changes often include apathy, disorientation, memory loss, and cognitive impairment. Brain confusion and/or physical decline can make it impossible for living independently. The caretaker role for a loved one with AD is a major time commitment. As a person journeys through the 7 stages of AD, increasing close attention is required.

Early memory loss may indicate Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) which may not be a sign of later dementia, as there are various causes for MCI. An individual can be aware of their MCI which often includes exhaustion in addition to mild memory loss. Moderately severe cognitive decline involves a drop-off of abilities to handle finances and other tasks of daily living. Agitation and aggression may show up when previously these emotions were not frequent. Perhaps having a blinking Tally, murmuring close by, would be a blessing.

Most people are not educated in dealing with AD and/or challenging personalities. Unfortunately, there is a shortage of gerontologists; geriatric medicine is one of the least popular specialties among new physicians.

Proactive educational help is developing. The Milken Institute School of Public Health at George Washington University (GW in D.C.) has established an “Expanding the Pipeline to Graduate Research in Alzheimer’s Disease and Related Dementias (EPGRAD) Program” as a fully funded 8-week summer education and research training program for undergraduates. The goal is to encourage students in the majors of medicine, science, technology, engineering, and mathematics to consider careers in AD and related dementias. New GW projects include a “Black Male Dementia Caregiver Burden Study” and a “Brain Health and Microbiome Study.”

What might you do to improve your own brain health? One health tip stands out for psychiatrist Drew Ramsey, MD (author of both Healing the Modern Brain and Eat Complete), who finds that many individuals in his practice are undernourished when considering brain health and mental health: eat a handful of leafy greens in one of your daily meals.

Multiple rabbits in my yard munch on greens all day. They are unlikely to need Tally.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

504. How might you educate yourself about your brain health? 505. Have you considered how your own diet contributes to brain health?  

A Call for Restorative Justice

Pre-Mathematics by Bernard Hosey

Restorative Justice (RJ) is an evidence-based practice whose time has not only come, but it is abundantly clear that our entire planet could use a justice reset. RJ is based upon reconciliation, where criminal and inappropriate actions are first viewed as a violation of people and relationships, and not just a violation of social norms and law. Key to the RJ approach is understanding that punitive “treatment” or forced submission in an offender does not produce any increased probability that the offender will engage in appropriate behavior in the future. Actually, such “treatment” is likely to increase resentment in the offender which may lead to future aggression. Only punishing an offender can further damage a fragile relationship between individuals, leaving the survivor(s) with unresolved hurt and suffering.

RJ is a process with trained mediators where the desired focus is upon dialogue between offenders and survivors. Notice that the language for RJ practice is different from the predominant descriptions of perpetrators and victims. This language difference moves away from courtroom apology attempts to actual accountability with an emphasis on repairing harm where possible. Prison time may follow serious infractions, but an accompanying RJ approach allows each person’s history or herstory to be shared in an unhurried and safe environment. Other family or community members, also affected by the harm of the offender, might participate in a RJ peace circle. The opportunity for truth-telling accountability, healing, and prevention of further conflict are desired outcomes.

Circles can also support survivors and work with individuals who are responsible for harm separately. Extensive preparation occurs before bringing together someone impacted and someone responsible for harm for a joint circle, and that only happens when everyone agrees to participate.

Schools are an excellent beginning place to hold RJ peace circles. Instead of treating an offending student with outdated discipline of in-school/out-of-school suspensions, RJ intervention might include teacher, coach, or hall monitor voices, along with the offender and survivor, in a peace circle with a Circle Keeper. If you consider that Black students are referred for “suspensions” (and/or school expulsion) about 3 times more frequently than white students, you begin to link this discriminatory pattern to similar lopsided numbers in prison populations. Black Americans are incarcerated in state prisons at 5 times the rate of white Americans.

Who listens to the stories of youth who may have been survivors in their homes and/or communities before they became offenders at school? Many students feel unsafe at an early age. This is a beginning time to intervene with reconciliation that promotes accountability.

Bernard Hosey’s rusted steel sculpture in a sphere of twisted V shapes and curved arcs is described as “a relic from an ancient civilization or a blueprint for intersteller travel.” The title, Pre-Mathematics, recognizes that there is an origin for everything. This notion when applied to human aggressive behaviors — including lethal behavior like family or societal war — addresses causes that came before a current provocative cause. Aggression and violence erupt out of a lineup of causes. When will we take the time to address the causes proactively that came before the straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back cause?  

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

490. Who are you when you feel safe?

491. Who are you when you feel unsafe?    

Peaceful Couples and Countries

There are peaceful societies in our world. How have they managed to live together in peace with their neighbors? A multidisciplinary group of scholars began gathering in 2014 to find answers. Social entrepreneurs and professors, Peter T. Coleman and Joshua D. Fisher, are part of the Advanced Consortium on Cooperation, Conflict and Complexity, and The Earth Institute at Columbia University. Their Sustaining Peace Project involves psychologists, anthropologists, philosophers, astrophysicists, environmental scientists, political scientists, and communication researchers. Just bringing such diverse disciplines together peacefully orchestrates a model for peace systems.

America currently is tuned into war systems. Globally, military spending is speeding up as more countries encounter violent conflict than in the previous 30 years. Peace systems are “clusters of neighboring societies that do not make war with each other.” For example, none of the 5 Nordic nations have made war inside or outside their borders for over 200 years. Unfortunately, this cannot be said for the U.S.

A possibility roadmap for peace was found by the collaborative scholars. It seems intuitive, but somehow people are not aware of the simple power of peace or how to get “there.” The inclusive work of the Sustaining Peace Project suggests that “sustaining peace can be understood as a high ratio of positive intergroup reciprocity to negative intergroup reciprocity that is stable over time.”

On a micro-level, family systems co-exist peacefully with the same positivity-fueled reciprocity. Marriage researchers John and Julie Gottman study couples intensely. John Gottman began longitudinal work on couples in the 1970’s. Gottman Institute research finds that stable, happy couples have at least a 5:1 ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions, especially necessary in trauma and conflictual situations. Unhappy couples exhibit fewer positive interactions that might counterbalance negative communication. If their positive-to-negative ratio is 1:1 or less, a couple may be headed for break-up. High conflict, unhappy couples in their relationship’s end time engage in what Gottman refers to as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:”

  • Criticism – An attack on one’s partner and their character, not just a complaint comment.
  • Contempt – Disrespect that goes further than criticism; sarcasm or ridicule spews out, denoting a moral superiority over one’s partner.
  • Defensiveness – An excuse-making response to criticism that often includes reversing the blaming.
  • Stonewalling – A response which involves one individual withdrawing, often acting “busy” or engaging in obsessive and/or distracting behaviors.

While peaceful couples and countries have differing ways in which they cultivate peace, there are some commonalities. Peaceful groups have an overarching common identity (a shared national or regional identity that seeks commonalities between ethnic differences). There is focus on positive interconnectedness in terms of economics, ecology, and security. Peaceful societies commemorate successful peacemakers. Public spaces and institutions bring members of different groups together. The single-most critical contributor to peace is identified in non-warring norms, rituals, and values. Peace language and peace leadership call for dialogue and consensus-building.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

466. How might you incorporate more peacefulness in your relationships?

467. What consensus-building success have you ever experienced?  

Ages and Stages

Austrian novelist Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach defined aging: “In youth we learn; in age we understand.” I am rethinking what age means on my birthday.

We know 4 aging stages of monarch butterflies: egg, larva (caterpillar), pupa (chrysalis), and adult. This amazing metamorphosis includes caterpillars whizzing through 5 growth spurts, molting skin each time! This reminds me of adolescents making change after change with dizzying speed.

Research from University of Cambridge suggests that adolescence lasts longer than you ever thought. Dr Alexa Mousley and her colleagues found that the brain stays in the adolescent stage until the early 30’s. Key maturation is determined to end around age 32. Studying nearly 4000 individuals’ MRI scans (ages 0-90 years), the researchers concluded that there are 4 pivotal ages for brain turning points or major changes: 9, 32, 66, and 83.

  •  Childhood — Birth to age 9: Brains undergo network consolidation with the most active synapses preserved from a whittling-down process. There is a major boost in cognitive capacity, but also a risk of mental health challenges.
  •  Adolescence – Ages 9 to 32: Brains’ largest directional changes have an efficiency of connections within specific brain regions. There is rapid communication across the whole brain which relates to enhanced cognitive performance. However, this timeframe poses the greatest risk for mental health disorders. Many individuals initiate substance use in this stage. Repeated drug exposure can significantly alter brain development, especially relating to the ways reward and control circuits are wired. A drug habit may become almost automatic, leading to a reduction in prefrontal problem-solving which has many consequences.
  •  Adulthood – Ages 32 to 66: A “plateau in intelligence and personality” (based upon other research) was sustained in this research. Brain functioning appears relatively stable.
  •  Early aging – Ages 66 to 83: A mild and gradual reorganization of brain networks culminates in the mid-60’s, although a variety of health conditions (hypertension or diabetes, for example) may emerge; health issues can place an individual at risk for cognitive decline.
  •  Late aging – Age 83+: Whole brain connectivity reduces and there is more reliance on specific brain regions. However, this participant group was smaller than the other stages studied and merits more study.

The researchers admit their participants were controlled for “healthy” folks. Trauma affects brain ages/stages. An estimated 6 in 10 U.S. adults have experienced trauma (with higher numbers among women than men). Rates for children and adolescents are higher: according to the National Library of Medicine, about 2 out of 3 U.S. individuals experience trauma by age 16. This rate is likely higher among youth in violent war areas around the globe. We need a planetary plan for addressing trauma.  

How do butterflies deal with trauma? According to the Australian Butterfly Sanctuary, butterfly wings are larger than needed for flying. Butterflies can fly with half of their wings missing. My translation for “youth” at any age: keep flying (learning)!

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

460. What does your age mean to you?

461. What health-proofing practices do you use?  

School Days…Golden Rule Days?

“…Let’s take a trip on memory’s ship / Back to the bygone days… / School days, school days / Dear old Golden Rule days / ‘Reading and ‘riting and ‘rithmetic / Taught to the tune of the hick’ry stick….”

Did you sing this in childhood? OK, I’m dating myself. As a youngster in rural Indiana, it was a well-known song. Thankfully, I never was spanked either at home or in school, although many children receive this wayward discipline. The 1907 song was composed by Will D. Cobb and Gus Edwards. Imagined crooners were adults looking back on childhood experiences in elementary school. Were Cobb or Edwards paddled in school?

As a new school year is in first gear, it rattles my psychology training that in 2025 corporal punishment remains “legal” in private schools in every U.S. state except Illinois, Iowa. Maryland, New Jersey and New York. What educational textbooks are these educators reading? And to make it clear that private education is not the only believer in spanking, it is also “legal” in 17 states in public schools (supposedly “practiced” in 12 states). Spanking is not a healthy choice for either the inflicted child or the perpetrator doing the spanking. As a family therapist, I taught parents and kids, “Hands are for hugging, cooking, playing and ____________________; hands are not for hitting.”

An online Newsweek article (8-22-25) reports that a nonprofit organization, Lawyers for Good Government, has investigated corporal punishment. Sadly, their findings are that Black children comprise 37.3% of the inflicted, and disabled children make up 16.5% of the incidents. This discrimination is disgraceful.

In case you wonder, here are the 17 states allowing corporal punishment in schools: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Missouri, New Hampshire, North Carolina, South Carolina, South Dakota, Texas, and Wyoming. Florida made a recent concession – parents must give consent — and “it depends upon the school” in 4 more, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Mississippi, and Tennessee.

There is hope for change to archaic discipline in schools. According to Elizabeth Gershoff, Professor of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Texas at Austin, “…school principals either realize that school corporal punishment is not effective at improving student behavior, that it is not necessary, is cruel and physically harmful, or that it could lead to lawsuits from parents of children injured by school corporal punishment.” 

Sarah Font, Associate Professor of Sociology and Public Policy, Pennsylvania State University, suggests, “…instilling proper respect for authority figures” and adults who received spankings believing they learned something, are reasons the outdated practice exists, despite research that corporal punishment does not improve long-term behavior.

Justin Driver, Professor of Law, Yale Law School, states, “Public school students are the only group of people in American society who government officials strike with impunity for modest transgressions.”

Who is educating government officials? Who educates the educators?

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

423. Were you spanked in childhood at home or school?

424. What effects have you observed in individuals who were hit by teachers and/or parents?

Truth Pearls

Recently I met new neighbors while taking a walk around the block. A vivacious girl met me exclaiming, “I’m 4! I’m 4!” She just experienced her birthday and was radiant about her milestone. I responded, “I’m 4 too, but with a couple of extra years!” She accepted my description readily because when you are 4, doesn’t everybody celebrate being 4 again? That is wearing your sheen.

I did not tell the adorable one that my blog also celebrated a 4th birthday, as it was too abstract for a concrete thinker! I began my blog during the pandemic. I have posted every Monday for 4 years.

Here are words from my first (7-21-21) blog: “…Pearls seem to need attention. If a pearl necklace is locked away, over time the pearls lose their sheen and become dull. While pearls are categorized as a gemstone, pearls are unique in claiming the only gem status to form within a living creature! Unique among diamonds and other gemstones, pearls require no cutting or polishing before use. Pearls are precious. Pearls represent a fresh start. Peace in the family, post-grief peace, and retirement peace all benefit from a fresh outlook. In these blog posts, we will explore how to string pearls of peace wherever you find yourself on your life’s odyssey.”

Some individuals lose their sheen over time. All of us lose track of peace on a regular basis. We humans must polish our sheen to keep peaceful actions at the forefront of our life odyssey.

Joanna Macy is an individual who kept polishing her sheen. She was a possibility model of visionary and dynamic leadership of peaceful causes in global justice and environmental activism. Macy reportedly died “peacefully” at home from complications after a fall on July 19th. She was 96 (or 24 times 4). In reading about her, I want to share highlights from her workshop called “Truth Mandala” that she presented globally. Groups of individuals gather to sit in a tight circle “to form a containment vessel for holding the truth.” There are 4 quadrants with a symbolic object in each – a stone, dead leaves, a thick stick, an empty bowl. Everyone speaks their truth about a quadrant that represents a significant part of their present life:

  • A stone personifies fear. It exemplifies a tight, contracted heart when one is afraid.
  • Dry leaves stand in for one’s sorrow. Much sadness exists within each of us for the trauma we see in our world.
  • The thick stick represents anger and outrage. One must grasp it with 2 hands but not wave it around or pound the ground.
  • An empty bowl signifies one’s hunger for what is missing in their life, perhaps sharing their feelings of emptiness.

Give truth a fresh start. Then take positive actions.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

415. Which of Macy’s 4 quadrants would you speak about if you attended a Truth Mandala workshop?

416. How do we get to a place where people tell the truth about their lives?  

“Fast” Talkers Live Longer

The Berlin Aging Study (BASE) is a multidisciplinary (sociology, psychology, psychiatry, and internal medicine) study of seasoned citizens (my name for older adults) between ages of 70-105. Initially, detailed information was gathered for 258 men and 258 women who lived in Berlin. The longitudinal research originated under the direction of the late German psychologist Paul B. Baltes and German sociologist Karl Ulrich Mayer. Along with his American psychologist wife, Margret Baltes, Paul Baltes viewed lifespan development in terms of “plasticity” in cognitive abilities, a context of adaptation, and multidisciplinary factors such as one’s biology, family, schooling, religious affiliation, and profession. The Baltes couple promoted successful aging through optimizing one’s cognitive functions and the ability to adapt to change, including loss. Research supported their belief that cognitive abilities can continue to develop in late adulthood with participation in stimulating activities. A current longitudinal study (BASE II) of 1600 seasoned citizens (ages 60-80) is underway at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Germany.

BASE research results are fascinating. General intelligence did not predict who might live longest. Instead, verbal fluency was key in long-living folks. The participants with low (versus high) verbal fluency had a median survival time that was 9 years shorter! Verbal fluency requires broad abilities, including fast information retrieval and a crystallized knowledge base. One only hopes that a fast-talking individual possesses a truthful knowledge base.

Here are a few pointers for increasing your verbal fluency. Heather Hurlock, Founder and Editor of Super Age (an online source of health and wellbeing), names the first three well-established ones.

  • Read out loud. This suggestion also is endorsed by a 30-minute-daily program, StrongerMemory, for those in mild cognitive decline. Do not wait for cognitive deficits to appear to make a reading-out-loud practice for yourself! You will build on articulation and rhythm skills when you read to yourself or others. Both skills link to verbal fluency.
  • Hand-write often. While cursive is being dropped from many elementary schools, I believe that is a mistake. There is evidence that suggests learning cursive handwriting is helpful in one’s overall learning and retention. Handwriting (but not typing) is related to letter processing which translates to successful reading in youngsters. Also, handwriting is part of the StrongerMemory workbook exercises. https://goodwinliving.org/strongermemory-the-fight-against-cognitive-decline/
  • Think (and take deep breaths) before you speak. Take mindful pauses to provide your brain with a chance to retrieve some linking thoughts. Not only will this increase your confidence level, but it may enlist a better (or more humorous) verbal outcome.
  • Give speeches or read a poem (as in open-mic venues). You have talents to share and your brain will reward you for using a variety of sensory inputs.
  • Talk regularly; ask people questions. You may surprise yourself with what you can learn about others in a few sentences.

Have fun talking!

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

413. When is the last time you wrote a letter by hand?

414. How might you practice your verbal fluency in a new way?        

Eustress/Distress: A Brain Teeter-totter

April is Stress Awareness Month (since 1992) with sponsorship by The Health Resource Network, founded by Mort Orman, M.D. https://healthresourcenetwork.org/ A non-profit in the UK, The Stress Management Society, joined sponsorship in 2023.

The theme for 2025 is #LeadWithLove. This is not some far-fetched notion but realize that “love” takes many brain moves. Love entails daily practice.  

Dr. Orman’s mission is to promote knowledge about stress and life mastery skills to cope with inevitable challenges of life. Orman lists 30 key mastery skills. Consider how often you light-up your brain for bodymind health: Emotions mastery, Relationships mastery, Advanced stress mastery, Self-discipline, Happiness creation, Honesty, Humility, Telling the truth, Integrity, Personal responsibility, Critical thinking/reasoning, Wisdom, Values, Purpose, Commitment, Communications skills, Leadership skills, Self-love, Self-esteem, Compassion, Exercise enjoyment, Love of learning, Fearless public speaking, Healthy lifestyle, Money/finances, Success mindset, Understanding human beings, Helping others, Leaving a legacy, Personal power.

Orman uses the American Psychological Association’s definition of stress: “…a normal reaction to everyday pressures but [stress] can become unhealthy…stress involves changes affecting nearly every system of the body, influencing how people feel and behave.  By causing mind-body changes, stress…affects mental and physical health, reducing quality of life.”

Most people consider stress to lead to burnout or exhaustion, but that is an incomplete understanding of stress. Stress is more similar to a brain teeter-totter; it can move in one direction, then abruptly reverse course. Stress can motivate you; it is not always negative. From a book chapter I wrote, “Families in Stress” [In S. Wadhwa Editor, Stress in the Modern World: Understanding Science and Society], there is a range to stressors in your life:  

“Endocrinologist Hans Selye made the word stress a household staple, suggesting that life would be boring without stress. Many positive family situations entail stress. Selye labeled positive stress as eustress and negative stress as distress. He created the word stressor to describe the stimulus or event that precipitates a stress response. Examples of positive stressors in the family are a child’s piano recital or sporting event, and a parent’s new job. Family distress ranges from community natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina, to inside-the-family reactions to death or illness of a loved one, to juggling a myriad of everyday decisions and deadlines. Parents need to learn how to detect smoke before their own reactions, and/or their child’s stress reactions, blaze out of control.”

Simply, we need more adults in the room, whether as models for youngsters, or as companions to other adults who have their own melt-down reactions. We all vacillate when the flames of stress reach us, but biological stress responses can save your life. Fight/fight/freeze stress reactions are biological survival mechanisms in the animal world as well as the human world.

Psychological survival is less clearcut. Many stressors relate to fear, both real and imagined future fears. “Name it to tame it,” advises psychiatrist Dan Siegel.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

387. What is a stressor for you?

388. Is your approach lead-with-love? If not, why not?