“I write to understand as much as to be understood,” explained Elie Wiesel, Romanian-American Holocaust survivor and Nobel laureate. Isn’t this true for all writers? If writing is one’s career, there is motivation to put groceries on one’s table, but writing also is a powerful way to grasp and then share some deep understanding of a topic.
The tragic airline crash into Potomac River in Washington, DC grabbed people’s grief strings. An airplane carrying 64 individuals from Wichita, Kansas, and a helicopter carrying 3 soldiers collided just as the larger plane was preparing to land — on a crystal-clear evening. Undoubtedly, passengers were anticipating their meet-up with relatives and rides. Perhaps they were enjoying DC lights and sights. Aviation attorney and experienced pilot Arthur Wolk noted how numerous lights in this crowded airspace can conflict with flight instructions.
Soldiers in the helicopter were conducting a “routine training mission” to practice evacuating government officials if deemed necessary in an emergency. Instead of leading anyone to safety, the unthinkable occurred. Two days later a jet-ambulance crashed in Philadelphia, killing 7 and injuring 22 on the ground, a further tragedy. Smashed dreams and shattered families frighten even those without relationships with the victims. Encountering another’s trauma activates branches of trauma memories in one’s own life.
Journalist Rebecca Soffer, co-founder of online Modern Loss, is keenly aware of sudden death. She was 30 when her mother was killed in a car accident, one hour after giving Rebecca a ride from family camping. Then at age 34, Rebecca’s father died of a heart attack while on a cruise. Co-founder Gabrielle Birkner began her journalism career writing obituaries for a local newspaper. While 27-year-old Gabrielle was in the newsroom working on obituaries, she received unthinkable news that her father and stepmother were murdered in a home invasion. Both young adults sought companionship and compassion from those who might understand their grief.
Gabrielle interviewed psychiatrist M. Katherine Shear, founding director of Columbia University’s Center for Prolonged Grief at Columbia’s School of Social Work. Here is Dr. Shear’s definition of compassion: “Compassion is defined as the feeling of wanting to help someone who is hurting or suffering or has had to confront an untoward experience. Compassion means having a sympathetic awareness of that person’s pain along with a desire to ease the suffering.” She further pointed out that women are better at taking care of others than taking care of themselves. Often women feel that it is selfish to have self-compassion.
Actually, one needs to hone their self-compassion to be capable of compassion for another’s suffering. It is possible to learn self-compassion skills. Allow yourself to address grief as a form of interdependent love, both for yourself and others. I can vouch for writing 3 things, large and small, in a daily-gratitude journal as one runway to land self-compassion.
Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz
365. When have you used writing (in any form) to cope with grieving?
366. In what ways do you show compassion for others?
Pearls of Peace: A Family Psychologist’s Circle-of-Life Blog 