Tag: healing

A Call for Restorative Justice

Pre-Mathematics by Bernard Hosey

Restorative Justice (RJ) is an evidence-based practice whose time has not only come, but it is abundantly clear that our entire planet could use a justice reset. RJ is based upon reconciliation, where criminal and inappropriate actions are first viewed as a violation of people and relationships, and not just a violation of social norms and law. Key to the RJ approach is understanding that punitive “treatment” or forced submission in an offender does not produce any increased probability that the offender will engage in appropriate behavior in the future. Actually, such “treatment” is likely to increase resentment in the offender which may lead to future aggression. Only punishing an offender can further damage a fragile relationship between individuals, leaving the survivor(s) with unresolved hurt and suffering.

RJ is a process with trained mediators where the desired focus is upon dialogue between offenders and survivors. Notice that the language for RJ practice is different from the predominant descriptions of perpetrators and victims. This language difference moves away from courtroom apology attempts to actual accountability with an emphasis on repairing harm where possible. Prison time may follow serious infractions, but an accompanying RJ approach allows each person’s history or herstory to be shared in an unhurried and safe environment. Other family or community members, also affected by the harm of the offender, might participate in a RJ peace circle. The opportunity for truth-telling accountability, healing, and prevention of further conflict are desired outcomes.

Circles can also support survivors and work with individuals who are responsible for harm separately. Extensive preparation occurs before bringing together someone impacted and someone responsible for harm for a joint circle, and that only happens when everyone agrees to participate.

Schools are an excellent beginning place to hold RJ peace circles. Instead of treating an offending student with outdated discipline of in-school/out-of-school suspensions, RJ intervention might include teacher, coach, or hall monitor voices, along with the offender and survivor, in a peace circle with a Circle Keeper. If you consider that Black students are referred for “suspensions” (and/or school expulsion) about 3 times more frequently than white students, you begin to link this discriminatory pattern to similar lopsided numbers in prison populations. Black Americans are incarcerated in state prisons at 5 times the rate of white Americans.

Who listens to the stories of youth who may have been survivors in their homes and/or communities before they became offenders at school? Many students feel unsafe at an early age. This is a beginning time to intervene with reconciliation that promotes accountability.

Bernard Hosey’s rusted steel sculpture in a sphere of twisted V shapes and curved arcs is described as “a relic from an ancient civilization or a blueprint for intersteller travel.” The title, Pre-Mathematics, recognizes that there is an origin for everything. This notion when applied to human aggressive behaviors — including lethal behavior like family or societal war — addresses causes that came before a current provocative cause. Aggression and violence erupt out of a lineup of causes. When will we take the time to address the causes proactively that came before the straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back cause?  

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

490. Who are you when you feel safe?

491. Who are you when you feel unsafe?    

Understand Compassion in Grieving

“I write to understand as much as to be understood,” explained Elie Wiesel, Romanian-American Holocaust survivor and Nobel laureate. Isn’t this true for all writers? If writing is one’s career, there is motivation to put groceries on one’s table, but writing also is a powerful way to grasp and then share some deep understanding of a topic.

The tragic airline crash into Potomac River in Washington, DC grabbed people’s grief strings. An airplane carrying 64 individuals from Wichita, Kansas, and a helicopter carrying 3 soldiers collided just as the larger plane was preparing to land — on a crystal-clear evening. Undoubtedly, passengers were anticipating their meet-up with relatives and rides. Perhaps they were enjoying DC lights and sights. Aviation attorney and experienced pilot Arthur Wolk noted how numerous lights in this crowded airspace can conflict with flight instructions.

Soldiers in the helicopter were conducting a “routine training mission” to practice evacuating government officials if deemed necessary in an emergency. Instead of leading anyone to safety, the unthinkable occurred. Two days later a jet-ambulance crashed in Philadelphia, killing 7 and injuring 22 on the ground, a further tragedy. Smashed dreams and shattered families frighten even those without relationships with the victims. Encountering another’s trauma activates branches of trauma memories in one’s own life.

Journalist Rebecca Soffer, co-founder of online Modern Loss, is keenly aware of sudden death. She was 30 when her mother was killed in a car accident, one hour after giving Rebecca a ride from family camping. Then at age 34, Rebecca’s father died of a heart attack while on a cruise. Co-founder Gabrielle Birkner began her journalism career writing obituaries for a local newspaper. While 27-year-old Gabrielle was in the newsroom working on obituaries, she received unthinkable news that her father and stepmother were murdered in a home invasion. Both young adults sought companionship and compassion from those who might understand their grief.

Gabrielle interviewed psychiatrist M. Katherine Shear, founding director of Columbia University’s Center for Prolonged Grief at Columbia’s School of Social Work. Here is Dr. Shear’s definition of compassion: “Compassion is defined as the feeling of wanting to help someone who is hurting or suffering or has had to confront an untoward experience. Compassion means having a sympathetic awareness of that person’s pain along with a desire to ease the suffering.” She further pointed out that women are better at taking care of others than taking care of themselves. Often women feel that it is selfish to have self-compassion.   

Actually, one needs to hone their self-compassion to be capable of compassion for another’s suffering. It is possible to learn self-compassion skills. Allow yourself to address grief as a form of interdependent love, both for yourself and others. I can vouch for writing 3 things, large and small, in a daily-gratitude journal as one runway to land self-compassion.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

365. When have you used writing (in any form) to cope with grieving?

366. In what ways do you show compassion for others?        

New Year’s Pledges

Abdias do Nascimento, 1973, African Symbiosis No. 3

The symbol of ouroboros, a serpent eating its tail, is presumed to come from ancient Egypt. A 14th century BCE Egyptian religious text found in King Tutankhamen’s tomb held the earliest known ouroboros (from Greek words oura, meaning tail, and boros, meaning eating). The symbol was associated with the Egyptian goddess Wadjet, representing the eternal cycle of life, death and rebirth. Wadjet often was depicted as a cobra, but she also might have the form of a lioness or a woman. The ouroboros serpent offers us a reminder of ancient wisdom and present healing. The shedding of a snake’s skin suggests symbolic regeneration where humans might release old habits and renew or heal themselves.

Also, the ouroboros captures the notion of unity. In Norse traditions, the ouroboros serpent Jörmungandr was believed to wrap itself around the entire world. The ouroboros in Hindu cosmology represents a foundational holding up of Earth. Gnostic philosophers (2nd century BCE) considered the ouroboros symbol as representing dual natures – life and death, male and female, light and dark, mortality and divinity. The ouroboros in African spirituality considers the cycles of life as constant looping — every ending leads to a new beginning. This looping is a useful metaphor for ending one year and welcoming the new year.

The first-recorded custom of celebrating the new year and setting resolutions (initially called pledges) comes to us from 4000 years ago in ancient Babylonia (modern-day Iraq) when the new year began in mid-March at planting time. We in the Western world celebrate the coming year in January ever since Roman king Numa Pompilius (who ruled from 715-673 BCE) decided to replace March as the “first” month. Some scholars credit Numa as originator of January, named for Roman god Janus, a god of all beginnings. March celebrated a different deity, Mars, the god of war.

It seems unbelievable that so many centuries later, wisdom is at a premium and war is a constant preoccupation. What might our planet accomplish if we pledged to shed our warring ways? How long will it take for healing traumas in a way that does not destroy one’s so-called “enemies?” A pledge for world peace seems like a distant reality, but each one of us can see what we might do in our own families and communities to plant peace.    

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung adopted the ouroboros as a psychological archetype to signify the human desire to continually regenerate or be “reborn.” Whenever you decide that it is a new year for you, you can plant seeds for a good crop of attitudes and actions, a fresh field of possibilities for tomorrow. As songwriter Martin Charnin’s lyrics from the musical Annie remind us, “…tomorrow, tomorrow / I love ya tomorrow / You’re always, a day away.”    

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

355. What needs regeneration in your life for a meaningful tomorrow?

356. How many pledges will you make, and more importantly, keep, in this new year?