Tag: parenting

School Days…Golden Rule Days?

“…Let’s take a trip on memory’s ship / Back to the bygone days… / School days, school days / Dear old Golden Rule days / ‘Reading and ‘riting and ‘rithmetic / Taught to the tune of the hick’ry stick….”

Did you sing this in childhood? OK, I’m dating myself. As a youngster in rural Indiana, it was a well-known song. Thankfully, I never was spanked either at home or in school, although many children receive this wayward discipline. The 1907 song was composed by Will D. Cobb and Gus Edwards. Imagined crooners were adults looking back on childhood experiences in elementary school. Were Cobb or Edwards paddled in school?

As a new school year is in first gear, it rattles my psychology training that in 2025 corporal punishment remains “legal” in private schools in every U.S. state except Illinois, Iowa. Maryland, New Jersey and New York. What educational textbooks are these educators reading? And to make it clear that private education is not the only believer in spanking, it is also “legal” in 17 states in public schools (supposedly “practiced” in 12 states). Spanking is not a healthy choice for either the inflicted child or the perpetrator doing the spanking. As a family therapist, I taught parents and kids, “Hands are for hugging, cooking, playing and ____________________; hands are not for hitting.”

An online Newsweek article (8-22-25) reports that a nonprofit organization, Lawyers for Good Government, has investigated corporal punishment. Sadly, their findings are that Black children comprise 37.3% of the inflicted, and disabled children make up 16.5% of the incidents. This discrimination is disgraceful.

In case you wonder, here are the 17 states allowing corporal punishment in schools: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Missouri, New Hampshire, North Carolina, South Carolina, South Dakota, Texas, and Wyoming. Florida made a recent concession – parents must give consent — and “it depends upon the school” in 4 more, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Mississippi, and Tennessee.

There is hope for change to archaic discipline in schools. According to Elizabeth Gershoff, Professor of Human Development and Family Sciences, University of Texas at Austin, “…school principals either realize that school corporal punishment is not effective at improving student behavior, that it is not necessary, is cruel and physically harmful, or that it could lead to lawsuits from parents of children injured by school corporal punishment.” 

Sarah Font, Associate Professor of Sociology and Public Policy, Pennsylvania State University, suggests, “…instilling proper respect for authority figures” and adults who received spankings believing they learned something, are reasons the outdated practice exists, despite research that corporal punishment does not improve long-term behavior.

Justin Driver, Professor of Law, Yale Law School, states, “Public school students are the only group of people in American society who government officials strike with impunity for modest transgressions.”

Who is educating government officials? Who educates the educators?

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

423. Were you spanked in childhood at home or school?

424. What effects have you observed in individuals who were hit by teachers and/or parents?

Social Media: The Good, the Bad

“Go to where you are kindest,” writes ​Jaron Lanier, computer scientist, composer of chamber and orchestral music, visual artist and author. Adolescents might not appreciate Lanier’s book, Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now. Teens spend an average of 9 hours per day online, excluding their schoolwork, according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. How much of that time is “kindness” a theme?

Among his many writings, Lanier states in his book, Dawn of the New Everything: Encounters with Reality and Virtual Reality, “TV and video games draw people into a zombielike trance.” And yet, he cites the incredible range for good in Virtual Reality (VR) — as in treating veterans’ PTSD or aiding physicians in performing delicate surgery.  

In 2005 Foreign Policy honored Lanier as one of the 100 most Public Intellectuals. In 2018 Wired named Lanier one of the top 25 most influential people over the last 25 years of technological history. However, his personal history was challenging by any standard. His mother was a concentration camp survivor. When Lanier was 9 years old, she was killed in a car accident. For extended periods Lanier lived in tents with his father before this brilliant youth helped design a geodesic dome home, a project encompassing 7 years. At age 13 he began college, studying mathematics that led to computer programming.

Other challenged adolescents find it difficult to imagine such productivity. Instead of savoring and mastering school, they barely handle the VR barrage. Some kill themselves or others. On three initiating dates in the academic calendar — the latest on April 11, 2025 — the non-profit “Beyond Differences” sponsors a student-led social justice project to change the culture of teen angst in schools. Middle school and high school students are targeted to respond to one another at school and online with decency. This year’s theme is “Unmute Your Kindness.” https://www.beyonddifferences.org/national-programs/

The social-emotional learning (SEL) goals of this pay-it-forward effort are twofold: stopping online social isolation, and empowering students to find a sense of community that engages them in taking future positive actions. The message to students is simple and yet profound:

  • Know Your Classmates.
  • No One Eats Alone.
  • Be Kind Online.


As an offshoot of the Sandy Hook Promise Foundation, teachers can download free resources from “Beyond Differences” which feature a training workshop and curriculum. Parents can ask their home school to gain access to the lessons and student-led leadership guide.

Now, can we please get adults to plug into “Unmute Your Kindness?”

Kindness and goodness seem to be in short supply today. My mantra is, “Make something good happen every day.” All of us might benefit from kindness post-it notes to ourselves. Consider Maya Angelou’s poetic summons: “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.”
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Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

385. How often do you observe people treating others with kindness?

386. What is your version of a kindness post-it note?                 

Is Your Screen-time Diet a Pacifier?

The same parent that tries to discourage a child’s thumb or pacifier later hands their youngster a digital babysitter to keep the kid pacified or occupied. Yet, recent surveys show that 70% of America adults have concerns over how technology is affecting their own mental health, including their personal relationships. Other research finds that the average U.S. adult spends 70% less time with friends than they did two decades ago.                                                   

Nearly half of Americans report cutting back on screen time; 67% cut out digital cookies. Were these your New Year’s resolutions? 62% of American adults admit to digital-device addiction. What will this percentage be when today’s addicted-to-gadget toddlers reach adulthood?

American Academy of Pediatrics well-being guidelines for technology usage are not being followed from my observation of many children today:

  • Under 18 months – Zero screen time, unless video communication is with family and/or friends;
  • 18-24 months – May begin screen time co-viewing with a parent or caregiver;
  • 2-5 years — No more than 1 hour per day, limited to educational programming;
  • 6+ years – Limit screen time by setting limits and boundaries (using parental controls); avoid using screens as a pacifier or babysitter.

How difficult is it to turn off all screens during family meals and outings? Parents are role models in the usage of technology for their families. Do you use a digital device while you eat? I am always amazed when I see a couple in a restaurant, sitting across from one another, both ensconced on cell phones for long periods of time. I wonder why they are not relating to each other in the present moment. In addition to the practical uses of our cell phones, The Smartphone as a Pacifying Technology (in Journal of Consumer Research) outlines these emotional benefits: “feelings of psychological comfort and actual stress relief.”

There are many possibilities for stress relief. What hobbies have you pushed to the back shelf of your mind? Is it time to develop a new interest in your life?

Whether cell phone usage becomes addictive is an individual assessment. Psychotherapist Peter Levine defines addiction: “Addiction is people needing some way to blunt their pain, attempt to regulate; until people find an alternative, they will continue [their] addiction.” Perhaps we need the AMA (American Medical Association) to write a prescription for adult screen time.

Do you need a digital detox recipe? Here are some possibilities:

  • Make a “grocery” list of replacement ingredients to the pacifier of screen time.
  • Stir face-to-face social bonding into your week.                              
  • Blend mindfulness into your daily activities.  

If you choose to detox from too much screen time, you avoid a diet of information overload. Side-dish benefits include better sleep, better concentration, better physical and mental health, better creativity, and better relating with others. Who does not wish for things to be “better”?

Bake your cookies. 

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

363. Have you ever considered whether you are addicted to screen time?

364. What possibilities do you have to redeem your personal time, starting TODAY?