Tag: purpose

Purpose Pearls

Boston University (BU) initiated STAR (Society of Terrier Alumni Retirees) Wellness Week. Speaking online on a STAR panel (Retirement Reimagined: The Transition to New or Renewed Purpose) with two other BU alumni, I visualized this mini-report blog on retirement paths.

Lisa Haynes, author of Retired and Killin’ It: The Ultimate Retirement Plan, endorses planning a “bold and purpose-filled second act.”

Robert Morison, co-author with Ken Dychtwald of What Retirees Want: A Holistic View of Life’s Third Age, proposes a 3-way purpose model with “giving, growing, and enjoying” categories.

As preparation for my retirement book, Transforming Retirement: Rewire and Grow Your Legacy, I surveyed 125 individuals (ages 55-96), asking their age, whether they were retired, semi-retired, or did not plan to ever retire. I asked for hours a week they worked, and hours a week they volunteered. Many were volunteers, both those still working as well as those on a wide continuum of retirement possibilities.

Giving, often in a volunteer role, was instrumental for survey participants in terms of their current identity and purpose. For example, the Pro Bono Network was key for one 60-year-old retired woman; her attorney volunteerism provides civil legal aid. While volunteering took a hit during the pandemic, some were gritty (passion + persistent) volunteers! One person volunteered to receive early-testing samples of COVID vaccines. Others joined research studies to receive a placebo or trial medication for a variety of illnesses. Some made future volunteering plans to donate organs for transplant purposes or research after death.

There are many paths in giving-growing-enjoying purposes in retirement:

  • 64, a woman (recently retired) finds purpose in writing: “I am writing some children’s books, especially for young girls…who suffer societal pressure to conform to the latest norm.”
  • 72, a man retired at 52, 57, and 70, volunteers 10 hours/week: “…an opportunity to serve…mentor the younger generation…wisely provide my time, talents and treasures.”
  • 76, a man retired 9 years, volunteers 20 hours/week: “…you are not your job, but something else…a chance to learn and grow intellectually and spiritually.”
  • 80, a woman semi-retired for 20 years, volunteers 15 hours/week: “…time to make and keep connections with important people and the larger earth.”
  • 80, a man retired 3 times, his volunteering varies: “Close friends are more important than before…[I have] opportunities to do favors for others.”
  • 93, a woman retired 29 years, uses her expert sewing skills to mend clothing for others in her assisted living residence.

Artist Pablo Picasso captured the essence of volunteerism: “The meaning in life is to find your gift. The purpose is to give it away.” However, having bodymind wellness makes a critical difference in one’s pursuit of purpose. For those challenged with their health or a family member’s health, purpose possibilities may be limited.

My definition of purpose is having passion for living a life of meaning while accepting inevitable life changes with grit.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

482. How do you define purpose at your current age?

483. What activities provide meaning for you?                                                                        

Purpose Pearls

At age 80 Betty Kellenberger becomes the oldest woman to ever hike the entire 2000-mile Appalachian Trail. While Kellenberger grew up in Michigan, she always had a fascination with seeing the Georgia-to-Maine landscape along the Appalachian Trail. Her imaginings materialized when she retired and had a 6-month timeframe to devote to her dream.

Like fulfilling many dreams, the reality of inevitable along-the-way struggles is daunting. Kellenberger faced bruising, dehydration, falling, a concussion, Lyme disease, and hurricane damage to trails in the South. She had to change her route heading north. Then cold weather forced a pause until spring. She also experienced inner pauses, both on the trail and upon completion: “You hike alone, and so you have your thoughts…You have so many emotions because you’re excited about finishing,” she recalled. “I was really looking forward to saying, ‘I am done.’ But you also know you’re going to miss this big-time. You’re not going to have what you have out on that trail. That peace, the serenity.”

Kellenberger’s decades-long teaching career was teaching English and social studies to seventh graders, along with night classes for adults. Having achieved her Appalachian Trail dream, she ponders what comes next. This transition time is where life’s dreams require rewiring. There are many choices of how to spend one’s time in retirement and how to create a sense of purpose.

Some, like 100-year-old Jiro Ono, famed chef and restaurant owner of Sukiyabashi Jiro in Tokyo, are never-retire advocates. While Ono has passed the baton to his son as head chef, he maintains that the secret to longevity is to keep working! And yet, he must rewire to accommodate his Centenarian body’s needs as he realizes that his hands “…don’t work so well…I can no longer come to the restaurant every day…but even at 100, I try to work if possible. I believe the best medicine is to work.”

Ono’s health habits include no alcohol, regular walks, and to no one’s surprise, eating well. He continues serving and eating sushi as the first sushi chef to earn 3 Michelin stars. He is the oldest head chef of a three-star restaurant. What possibly could be his next purpose? Yes, he has one! Ono wants to outlive Japan’s oldest man who died at age 113.  

Both Kellenberger and Ono are seasoned citizens who believe in living with purpose. Hopefully, purpose in one’s life starts at an early age, but an overarching purpose in one’s life can change. Life transitions often are a time of upheaval; they may signal either decline and/or renewal to dream big after a muddling-through stage. No matter what your current age or circumstances may be, start affirming purposes that have meaning for you. Please know that you can rewire at any age!

The following questions come from my book, Transforming Retirement: Rewire and Grow Your Legacy.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

442. What are you doing with your precious time today?

443. What kind of rewiring might you tinker with today?

Women and Well-being

Following last week’s blog, Men and Well-being, it seems appropriate to address women’s well-being. First, here is a 4-point working definition of well-being that is supported by neuroscience research from the Center for Healthy Minds, University of Wisconsin-Madison:

  • Awareness: A heightened, flexible attentiveness to one’s environment and internal cues such as bodily sensations, thoughts and feelings.
  • Connection: A feeling of care and kinship toward other people that promotes supportive relationships through acknowledging and understanding another’s unique perspective.
  • Insight: A self-knowledge concerning how one’s emotions, thoughts and beliefs shape their experiences and sense of self.
  • Purpose: A keen understanding about one’s core values and deeper motivation to be capable of applying them in daily life.

Perhaps you know some women who embody these concepts. I know many women who are proficient in these ways of well-being. My theory about why this is so prevalent among women is that women are the ones who give birth to the future generation. Whether they have this opportunity or not, they often are responsible for educating precious children. These givers of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness need their own well-being honed to be capable of being positive role models in guiding youth.

It is a huge benefit that women have a good amount of the hormone and neurotransmitter, oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “love hormone.” Men have less of this hormone gem, although they do possess oxytocin. Couples in the early stages of a romantic attachment have significantly higher levels of oxytocin than singles! Oxytocin is an arousal helper. Levels of the hormone spike both during and after sex. Hugs, physical touch and meaningful eye contact all release oxytocin.

Oxytocin is not just related to reproduction; it is involved in many of the positive emotions that we experience. Research suggests that men with higher-than-average oxytocin levels show greater empathy, trust, and attachment in their ongoing relationships. Oxytocin helps parents form lifelong bonds with their children. Oxytocin also is effective as a natural stress-reliever, as it can lower blood pressure and improve circulation. It has anti-inflammatory possibilities.

Overall, oxytocin is a hormone that helps one feel balanced. When oxytocin levels are low, there are noticeable effects in an individual that are troublesome – a low ability in relating to others, a reduced empathy range, and/or greater-than-average feelings of loneliness and anxiety.  Practices like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can help release oxytocin.

There is a great need for all of us to awaken to our birthright of well-being. This is our time, this present time, to bond with one another. Our planet depends upon it. Our country depends upon it. Our communities depend upon it. Our families depend upon it. As ballerina and member of the Osage Nation, Maria Tallchief reminded, “Very often you are in the right place, at the right time, but you don’t know it.”

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

429. When are you aware of experiencing well-being?

430. What purpose might you fulfill today?        

Pearls of Purpose

“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.” Writer Arundhati Roy

It is easier to believe this hopeful thought when one is surrounded by Mother Nature’s beauty — especially in a fertile atmosphere like Hawaii where my nephew and fiancée live and married this weekend. The wedding took place on a working ranch under a canopy of banana trees with a rocky mountain peak for a chapel steeple. As part of the ceremony, a tree sapling was placed between the couple as they held a pot of soil with a trowel. They jointly scooped soil into the tree. They will plant it at one of their ecological volunteer sites.

Earlier in Wedding Week the bridal party of 14 attendants joined family members for a volunteer activity at a non-profit 405-acre farm near the Ko’olau Mountains. Forming a long line across a trough of watery planting area, we stomped in thick mud to even the planting bed for the next taro crop. With mud halfway up to our knees, we encountered a few rocks underfoot. It was a literal slippery slope when leaning over to pull weeds growing in rich mud. Taro grows on a rotating basis to produce a constant food source. Much  produce from this farm goes to the local community living outside of tourist areas. If one does not visit rural Hawaii with its dirt roads, an opportunity for cultural understanding is lost. However, most tourists may taste taro at any luau or buffet meal as taro (karo) is a staple food in O’ahu.

The newlyweds are regular volunteers at Kako’o Oiwi, along with some of their friends who were wedding guests. These young adults feel a strong commitment to both helping sustainable food efforts and partnering with Hawaiian people preserving their culture. They find a dedicated purpose in volunteerism alongside their careers. Psychologist William Damon, professor at Stanford, defines the power of purpose (The Path to Purpose). When one’s skills meet the needs of the world, purpose becomes like a chemical reaction. In identifying something in one’s environment where improvement is necessary, the volunteer also identifies aspects of their skillset that make a contribution, such as leadership or creativity. A synergy develops as a win-win opportunity for both recipient and volunteer.

Damon finds that individuals begin their pursuit of purpose in their 20’s and 30’s. While career and family often are at the center, he adds volunteerism as bringing purpose to many individuals. Making a difference in the world is good for people! However, in one survey only 30% of individuals ages 50-92 reported feeling purposeful. Older adults may feel a loss of identity when they leave their careers without cultivating other purposes in life.

In an earlier book, Greater Expectations: Overcoming the Culture of Indulgence in Our Homes and Schools, Damon suggests that child-rearing that is predominantly focused on a child-centered philosophy does not prepare youth for moral maturity and competence: “Less is expected of the young, and in turn less is received.” I find that the same thing might be said of older adults. When we do not expect that seasoned citizens have skills and new purposes to be further developed, we all miss out.

Taking care of the environment is critical. It takes many feet in muddy and rocky places. What if we start to live with Roy’s quote in our own backyards?

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

285. Where do you find purpose in your life?

286. How many of your friends might join you in some common purpose?