Tag: empathy

Everyone Needs SEL

Francesco Carta fotografo/Getty Images

March 2nd is SEL (Social Emotional Learning) Day 2026. This annual celebration highlights the many positive benefits of SEL immersion in all aspects of life. SEL Day is an international event that takes place during the first week of March each year with 88 countries onboard. The U.S. Senate introduced SEL Week in 2023 with a bipartisan resolution by Senators Susan Collins and Dick Durbin. The 2026 theme posts as “Skills for Community, Skills for Career.”

Social and emotional learning (SEL) is a proactive set of skills for children (and adults) to focus on mental health and well-being. The skills incorporate developing self-awareness, coping with emotions, setting and achieving positive goals, understanding and practicing empathy for others, building relationship competence, and making responsible decisions. An increasing need is for families, educators, business leaders, and whole communities to work together to promote SEL among students, our future leaders. A boost in academic learning is only one of the winners with such a systemic effort. SEL encompasses restorative justice, workforce readiness, and cultivating a lifelong growth mindset.

Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky (1896-1934) set the stage for understanding one’s historical-cultural influence in their learning. He stressed the importance of one’s social environment – the attitudes and interactions – that each child is exposed to from their earliest years. His zone of proximal development espoused guiding children through a task rather than expecting them to work in isolation. He was a proponent of social negotiation as an essential step in a student’s mastery of concepts. Rather than traditional memorization methods, Vygotsky advocated a model of teacher-student questioning, clarifying, and predicting in a collaborative process.

The theory of scaffolding was applied to psychological arenas by cognitive psychologist Jerome Bruner in the late 1950’s. He used the construction term to outline young children’s oral language acquisition. Bruner’s principles also spotlighted social interactional support for students in learning new concepts; he believed that the temporary scaffolding could be removed, similar to construction scaffolding, when the support is no longer needed.

Building upon Vygotsky’s and Bruner’s thinking, school scaffolding in social and emotional learning (SEL) incorporates modeling, prompting and coaching by school staff. Emotional and social skills are introduced in a stepwise progression with the goal of gradually removing support as students exhibit competence and independence. This approach also applies to academics and athletics. 

It is a good idea to focus on scaffolding of children’s development of SEL. How might such scaffolding apply to adults who missed out on SEL in their schooling? This seems like our biggest challenge. In President Barack Obama’s words, “Learning to stand in somebody else’s shoes, to see through their eyes, that’s how peace begins. And it’s up to you to make that happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.”

SEL peer modeling, prompting and coaching for adults needs to be part of National SEL Week.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

476. When do you use empathy?

477. What will you do to incorporate SEL for yourself this week?   

Men and Well-being

Family therapist Terry Real (yes, his real name) is the founder of Relational Life Therapy. His specialty for 40 years is men. He is the author of 4 books with titles such as I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women. He has a reputation for “saving marriages” when hope for repair has dwindled to a couple’s last-ditch effort. “All relationships are about balance/unbalance/repair, harmony/unharmony/repair.”

Real believes men are depressed “because they are terrible at intimacy.” Furthermore, he considers that the U.S. is a “toxic culture of individualism” which does not include nurturing interpersonal relationships. He offers workshops for working with “grandiose men” who lack empathy for themselves as well as empathy for others.

What is a grandiose behavior? According to Real, a grandiose man is apt to minimize, deflect, blame, and rationalize. His grandiosity, similar to intoxication, greatly impairs his judgment. He often has experienced considerable hurt in his life and manages it through a “retreat to the one-up position…If you’re in the one-down, shame state—which is where most women are, overtly—at least you know it. But one of the insidious things about the flight from shame into grandiosity—which is where many men go—is that it doesn’t feel bad. In fact, it often feels pretty good.”   

Real’s experience is that a grandiose man will only change when his partner “starts walking.” If left unchecked, men’s grandiose behaviors often leave a legacy of crippled functioning to their offspring.

It is difficult being a man today (and difficult being a woman also). Online influencers in the “manosphere” blast misogynistic rhetoric alongside physical fitness tips. Women frequently are blamed for whatever ails a man. This toxic “manosphere” is developed through the interplay of certain chatrooms, websites, vlogs, TikTok channels, and gaming platforms. Cynthis Miller-Idriss, founder of Polarization, Extremism Research & Innovation Lab (PERIL) at American University, and author of Man Up, describes grandiosity in the manosphere as often mixed with anger: “They’re performing outrage, it’s salacious, it feels good, it’s like candy for guys who are angry.”

Consider the 18th century story, Robinson Crusoe by British writer, journalist, and spy, Daniel Defoe (1660-1731). Protagonist Crusoe is shipwrecked on a remote island. A sole survivor, he begins to feel regret (and perhaps develops some self-empathy) for his former choices. He does not have a smart phone to influence his thinking, only a Bible. He develops morality. He becomes grateful for his life. He keeps himself alive for 28 years despite harsh circumstances. He defends prisoners from cannibalism. Two of Defoe’s more famous quotes apply here: “All men would be tyrants if they could,” and more hopeful, “But it is never too late to be wise.”   

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

427. Have you experienced any kind of relationship (as a colleague, family member, or partner) with a grandiose man?

428. How might the U.S. invest in emotional fitness — for everyone?   

Do Tigers Meditate?

Photo by Frida Lannerström on Unsplash [istock]

Cats, large and small, seem to have personalities just like people. Some cats are mostly wild things, while others have a Mother Theresa calming, quiet presence. But all of you cat lovers know how reflective-appearing your kitty can look (some of the time). Does your cat meditate? Do any animals meditate?

Dutch-American primatologist Frans de Waal and Canadian philosopher Evan Thompson have an interesting perspective in “Primates, Monks and the Mind: The Case of Empathy.” https://www.wisebrain.org/papers/EmpathyPrimates.pdf

Thompson admits that he does not know the developmental possibilities for contemplative mental ability in animals, although he made a compelling case for creatures showing “loving-kindness” in mother-offspring compassion witnessed across many species. His view is that it is impossible to study consciousness without addressing the use of empathy.

De Waal cited social relationships in not only primatology, but also in dogs (wolves) and dolphins. How often do dogs “sense” some sensitive emotion (energy) and come closer to announce, “I’m here for you?” The authors affirmed connectivity between animals. I can vouch for this. In my childhood we had two Weimaraner/Labrador dogs – Ike and Mamie. Guess who was President? When Mamie died, Ike never was quite the same animal. He languished. He grieved. Perhaps Ike and Mamie meditated together? They often appeared peaceful together. As brother and sister pups, they always hung out together. Their wolf ancestors hung out in packs so they could hunt big prey for mutual gain.

De Waal made the case that animals rarely kill another in their own species. Biologists argue that trying to kill is simply too dangerous for animals; de Waal proposed that it is mutual dependency that can hold aggression to some limits in animal world. He suggested, “You cannot wipe out groups in which your relatives live because from an evolutionary perspective that’s counterproductive.” Animals do fight with their own kind; in the case of primates, they make up afterward.

Whether we call it meditation or use another description, mammals appear to have times for quiet “reflection.”  Meditation in Primates Studies suggest that chimpanzees and orangutans do engage in meditative-like behaviors. They sit quietly for extended periods of time, open-eyed, and appear to show a relaxed awareness. Whether this is similar to meditation in humans is unresolved. Perhaps future research can determine how animal meditative-like behaviors compare to meditative brain states in humans.

One definition of meditation is the behavior of focusing on one thing, perhaps the breath, to the exclusion of everything else. Researchers find that some dogs and cats appear to show meditative-like behavior more than others. They find a cozy corner and stare into space. Do humans feel more relaxed when they see their kitty relax? Pets do teach humans many things. Perhaps they are mentors of meditation.

The practice for in-the-moment consciousness with empathy seems to escape too many humans. Yes, dear reader, it takes practice.

      Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

391. How often do you practice a meditative-like state?

392. What benefits do you notice when you consciously meditate?