Tag: Resolutions

Hope for Your Hills

“The question is not so much ‘What do I learn from stories?’ as “What stories do I want to live?” suggests Zen teacher David Loy. What story meanings that you have heard throughout your lifetime do you want to live?

In Greek mythology stories, Sisyphus was punished by the gods with a sentencing to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity, only to have it roll back down every time he came close to the hilltop. Sisyphus was the Greek king of Ephyra (later named Corinth). According to one version of the story, Sisyphus was a tyrant who angered Greek gods by killing his visitors as a show of his power. He disobeyed xenia, a law of hospitality, considered vital to Greek culture both morally and politically.

One meaning of this myth is that life is an endless struggle, with no opportunity to ever achieve a goal. This is a hopeless version. According to some research, only 8% achieve their New Year’s goals by the end of the year. Is this true about you? All of us experience some stiff uphill climbs to reach certain goals, only to backslide, sometimes repeatedly, when “things” do not work out. Yet, there could be lessons, such as asking, “What is my part in this?” A second meaning of the Sisyphus myth is the importance of perseverance when one is faced with adversity. No story has only two sides. There are other meanings. Take your pick.

For now, let’s go with the second meaning. I’m a big believer in resilience and hope. One of my graduate school professors was keen on reminding newbie psychologists of the most important thing to accomplish by the end of each therapy session: “leave the client with hope.” I often reminded myself of this early lesson when in the middle of contentious family therapy sessions. If one’s therapist gives up, how can the client walk out the door with a silver-lining sliver of hope for themselves?

Recent recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, conservationist Jane Goodall is another proponent of hope: “I do have reasons for hope: our clever brains, the resilience of nature, the indomitable human spirit, and above all, the commitment of young people when they’re empowered to take action.” Each generation holds out hope that the next generation will be more talented in fixing what ails families, communities, and countries. We will leave the younger set many hills to climb, but we can engender hope in them by continuing to be steady climbers ourselves.

Do not see your goals as Sisyphean or goals that are futile; see progress in taking baby steps. Babies do not give up when they learn to stand and take their first fledgling steps. They get up, repeatedly, and take their next best step.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

357. What stories do you live by?

358. If you have lost hope, what is one baby step you can take in reviving a sense of hope for our collective future?

New Year’s Pledges

Abdias do Nascimento, 1973, African Symbiosis No. 3

The symbol of ouroboros, a serpent eating its tail, is presumed to come from ancient Egypt. A 14th century BCE Egyptian religious text found in King Tutankhamen’s tomb held the earliest known ouroboros (from Greek words oura, meaning tail, and boros, meaning eating). The symbol was associated with the Egyptian goddess Wadjet, representing the eternal cycle of life, death and rebirth. Wadjet often was depicted as a cobra, but she also might have the form of a lioness or a woman. The ouroboros serpent offers us a reminder of ancient wisdom and present healing. The shedding of a snake’s skin suggests symbolic regeneration where humans might release old habits and renew or heal themselves.

Also, the ouroboros captures the notion of unity. In Norse traditions, the ouroboros serpent Jörmungandr was believed to wrap itself around the entire world. The ouroboros in Hindu cosmology represents a foundational holding up of Earth. Gnostic philosophers (2nd century BCE) considered the ouroboros symbol as representing dual natures – life and death, male and female, light and dark, mortality and divinity. The ouroboros in African spirituality considers the cycles of life as constant looping — every ending leads to a new beginning. This looping is a useful metaphor for ending one year and welcoming the new year.

The first-recorded custom of celebrating the new year and setting resolutions (initially called pledges) comes to us from 4000 years ago in ancient Babylonia (modern-day Iraq) when the new year began in mid-March at planting time. We in the Western world celebrate the coming year in January ever since Roman king Numa Pompilius (who ruled from 715-673 BCE) decided to replace March as the “first” month. Some scholars credit Numa as originator of January, named for Roman god Janus, a god of all beginnings. March celebrated a different deity, Mars, the god of war.

It seems unbelievable that so many centuries later, wisdom is at a premium and war is a constant preoccupation. What might our planet accomplish if we pledged to shed our warring ways? How long will it take for healing traumas in a way that does not destroy one’s so-called “enemies?” A pledge for world peace seems like a distant reality, but each one of us can see what we might do in our own families and communities to plant peace.    

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung adopted the ouroboros as a psychological archetype to signify the human desire to continually regenerate or be “reborn.” Whenever you decide that it is a new year for you, you can plant seeds for a good crop of attitudes and actions, a fresh field of possibilities for tomorrow. As songwriter Martin Charnin’s lyrics from the musical Annie remind us, “…tomorrow, tomorrow / I love ya tomorrow / You’re always, a day away.”    

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

355. What needs regeneration in your life for a meaningful tomorrow?

356. How many pledges will you make, and more importantly, keep, in this new year? 

Winter Solstice Pearls

The Winter Solstice is an ancient holiday to recognize the importance of Sun’s energy. The pre-Christian Yule (jól) festival had its origins in Scandinavia but was later entwined (with other pagan celebrations) with the Christian holiday of Christmas. In the first century BC Roman calendar, Marcus Terentius Varro wrote that December 25 was the date for the Winter Solstice.

Yule (symbolizing renewal) in more “modern” times has a focus on reflection as well as celebration. To participate in solstice rituals today, one might consider the early symbolism of seasonal plants such as evergreen pine branches (healing), holly (God), and mistletoe (Goddess).  Rituals also include singing and sharing food.

Having a bonfire or lighting a Yule log in the fireplace symbolizes the elongation of daily sunlight as days become “longer” in terms of noticeable sunshine. Those who honor this ritual annually hold small pieces of last year’s log as reminders of aspects they had desired for the coming year. Spiritually, the Winter Solstice honors the renewal of more light while acknowledging the darkness that we harbor within ourselves. Each individual releases their remnants of dark thoughts/deeds into this year’s fire before setting intentions for the coming year. Might this begin your New-Year-resolution setting?

The Yule spirit includes an appreciation of nature, a good daily practice whether in sunlight or not. This unappreciated holiday (literally, holy day) is one of unity. Those who hold differing spiritual traditions might come together on the Winter Solstice, as celebrating our precious Sun belongs to no one spiritual tradition. There are no Sun territorial boundaries to war over.

Helen Berger, visiting scholar at Harvard Divinity School, suggests that paganism may be supplanting some Americans’ search for a less organized religion. “There’s this outward joyousness about the light.”  Pagan rituals for the Winter Solstice include a sacred circle with a cleansing of the inner space with smoke: “…in that circle, part of what we say is that we are in a place that is no place, and time is no time, and we are between the worlds.”

Child-literature writer Susan Cooper writes in her picture book, The Shortest Day:

“…this Shortest Day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, feast, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And now so do we, here, now…
Welcome, Yule!“

Let’s take a higher road and be gratitude-ready. Let’s awaken a peace presence as sunshine increases each day by seconds until mid-January when there is a 2-minute-per-day increase. Remember, we share one planet (at least until immigration can begin on Mars) and ONE SUN.

Are our actions “modern?” Singer/songwriter Jennifer Cutting leads a way forward: “We pray for peace…so let us sing to welcome in the turning year…we hold the pen that writes the tale…to know what to keep and what to let go….”

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

353. What thoughts from 2024 might you release to a symbolic fire?

354. How might you prepare for peaceful relationships for the coming year?

Micro-aggression Stitches

Family Life, Susan Else, 2010, San Jose Museum of Quilts & Textiles

It is difficult to listen to the evening news in this pre-election season when one is bombarded with microaggressions, or outright aggressive threats, aimed at certain populations. Sexism that affects half of humanity, racism, ableism, ageism, and LGBTQ+ stereotyping cause everyday harm for many individuals. Targeted victims often incur deep wounds. It is easy to blame a few people when the real issues are buried within cultural caskets of prejudice layered with new soiling every century.

Psychology researcher Derald Wing Sue grew up in Portland, Oregon. He was not accepted in childhood as a Chinese American and often received cutting rude and crude discrimination. His later education led him to study institutional racism by way of Martin Luther King, Jr’s leadership. As coping siblings, two of Dr. Sue’s brothers also found their way to the field of psychology. Derald Wing Sue and his brother Stanley co-founded the Asian American Psychological Association.

With his brother David, Sue co-authored Counseling the Culturally Diverse: Theory and Practice. The adaptive approach to microaggression is what Sue terms “microintervention” — making the invisible visible, educating the perpetrator, disarming the microaggression, and seeking outside support. These goals need to be sewn into country-wide New Year’s Resolutions.

According to a 2023 survey by the Boys & Girls Club, 40% of school students (ages 9-18 across the U.S.) reported being bullied on school property; this represents a higher number than previous years. Of those bullied students, 55% said that they never told an adult about what happened. Cyberbullying is even more prominent with 82% of adolescents reporting offenses. These aggressive attacks can result in a student’s poor school attendance and performance, as well as an increased substance abuse risk and/or other mental health issues –  including suicide.

Violinist Tyler Clementi committed suicide in 2010 after cyberbullying. His Rutgers University roommate live-streamed Tyler and another male student in a sexual encounter shortly after Tyler’s freshman year began. No one deserves such treatment.

Bullying includes:

  • An aggressor with a sense of power (either real or perceived) and a targeted individual (who may be a victim in circumstances where no one even views the bullying behavior).

Bullying often includes:

  • Bystanders who either witness or hear about abusive behaviors but do not intervene or Upstanders who intervene (through interruption and reporting bullying) as well as offer support to targeted individuals.

Today we often hear the admonishment to “tone down the rhetoric.” This is like putting a butterfly band-aid on a large gaping wound. We need psychological stitches for those wounded by bullying.

Schools at every level must approach micro-and-macro aggression with ongoing system-wide approaches. Some teachers bully other teachers; they also require bullying prevention training. An anti-bullying program is available for free downloading through the Tyler Clementi Foundation’s #Day1 Campaign (to be administered on the first day of school or any time during the school year). https://tylerclementi.org/about/

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz 

337. What microaggressions do you encounter as an adult?

338. When have you acted as an Upstander?             

Dry January Pearls

The Finns and Brits are ahead of the U.S. in limiting alcohol. Taking a month of the year to abstain from alcohol goes back to 1942 in Finland, but in 2012 Great Britain named “Dry January” as a public health initiative from Alcohol Change UK, a charity. According to one survey from University of Sussex, 71% of those who took part in Dry January reported sleeping better; 67% stated they had more energy, 58% lost weight, and 54% noticed skin improvements. Women may benefit most as their bodies take longer to break down alcohol, so they suffer greater risks in health and safety issues.

In spite of Dry January sounding simple — no alcohol from January 1-31 – most courageous people making this New Year’s resolution do not stay dry. The first Friday in the month appeared as the first common weak-link day last year. However, for those who keep their resolution, there are big rewards: improvement in a diabetes risk of nearly 30% and in Britain 49% reported losing weight (6-15 pounds) without drinking for a month. Additional health benefits include reduced blood pressure, a change in a marker of liver inflammation, and perhaps the most important finding in one British survey was that nearly 3 in 4 sustained lower drinking levels of drinking after Dry January.

Some prefer “Damp January.” They might follow the 1-2-3 drinking rule: 1) No more than 1 standard drink per hour; 2) No more than 2 standard drinks per occasion; 3) NEVER exceed 3 standard drinks per occasion. A “standard” drink is 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine, or 1.5 ounces of rum or vodka. While drinkers may notice some irritability when they stop drinking on New Year’s Day and go “cold turkey,” the benefits outweigh any temporary side effects. Alcohol can decrease stress hormone levels leading to a calmer vibe, but when an individual stops their drinking episode, stress hormones return and even spike higher.

Cardiologist and neurosurgeon Dr. Sanjay Gupta states, “There is no amount of alcohol that is good for your health.”

In the U.S. 15-19% of adults resolved to engage in Dry January in recent years with Gen Z participants expressing most enthusiasm. This is good news, as 60 million adults reported binge drinking during the past month of holiday time (5 or more drinks for men, 4 or more for females within about 2 hours.) Reportedly, 1 in 4 binge drinkers have this weekly habit.

You might consider the part(s) of your personality that either resolved to make it a Dry January or now plan for a Clean February. Name that part of your personality that makes an intention. Center into calmness with elongated breath cycles. Be kind to any part(s) breaking your intention. Ask questions. There always is a worth-listening-to story when we change our minds.

 Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

259. When have you followed through successfully with an intention?   

260. When you ditch an intention, what do you do next?   

Resolutions Check-in

Q: Why did the crane cross the road? A: The grass looked greener on the other side. How often do you think there must be a better there than the details of your current life? What would you do with Elon Musk’s money?

It has been 21 days since New Year’s Day and it is time to check-in on your resolution(s). While some mistakenly say you can set a new habit in 21 days, do not believe them. Most studies have found that it takes at least three times longer. If you struggle to make any headway on your desired resolution(s), perhaps you ditch your to-do list and try time blocking or timeboxing.

Successful CEO’s like Bill gates and Elon Musk use time blocking. Musk might win the prize for the most time-managed individual, as he pre-plans his day with no unscheduled time slots!  And as unbelievable as it may seem, Musk’s time blocks are 5-minute segments. Supposedly, he knows how much time any task takes. To not experience a “planning fallacy,” one must keep a timed record of certain tasks, perhaps using a time-tracking app.   

While time blocking may work for Musk and others, it seems robotic. Where is there room for an unexpected phone call from a family member or friend? Where is there a sense of flow or creativity where time-watching is detrimental?  

An argument supporting this regimented goal-setting is Parkinson’s Law: any work tends to expand to fill up the time allotted for it (C. Northcote Parkinson). When time is restricted, a task takes less of your time. Also, the Pareto Principle applies: the 80/20 Rule suggests that around 20% of your efforts will produce 80% of the results (Vilfredo Pareto).

Another time management technique is timeboxing. Time blocking is about planning when you will work on something, while timeboxing has an emphasis on limiting how long you spend on a given task. You set an upper limit on how much time you will do a certain task (exercise for 30 minutes, for example) without having a set time. Timeboxing encourages one’s progress by setting timely and manageable limits. Anyone can do something for 30 minutes a day…with intention.

Where is any focus for looking at the reasons why a person does not follow through on their intentions? Trust me. This will be a productive use of your time, and the first step may take no longer than 5 minutes. Here is a starter version. There is a part of your personality that sets your resolution. Name that part of your personality. There is another part (or two) that does not follow through. Name the part(s). Are you engaged in a parts war? Notice your breathing. Center into calmness. You can embrace opposite parts when you are CONSCIOUS of these parts in the present moment. Find insider peace.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

257. What is your name for the part of you that sets resolutions?

258. How often do other parts interrupt your good intentions?   

A Resolution Roadmap

A recent YouGov poll found that only 16% of Brits had any intentions of making New Year’s Resolutions this year, with women more likely to engage in the practice than men; this is down from 63% in the same poll in 2015. Americans appear more inclined – YouGov polling reports 34% for making New Year’s intentions for 2024.

However, according to researchers, the percentage of Americans who complete their resolutions is only 9% while 23% OF FOLKS GIVE UP ON THEIR RESOLUTIONS AT THE END OF THE FIRST WEEK AND 43% SWERVE OFF COURSE BY THE END OF JANUARY.

Is tradition unappealing to people today? Or is goal-setting too daunting these days? Did setting unrealistic goals overwhelm individuals in past years? Perhaps people wanted rewards for their accomplishments and found no pleasure in waiting for any affirmation after their hard-earned effort.    

Here are some “rules-of-the-road” for making your resolution a reality:

  1. Expect a snafu or two — something unaccounted for may temporarily obstruct your path of completion – keep going.

  2. To make your new habit stick, you may need to keep repeating it for a minimum of 66 days, according to some research. (This is another way of hinting, “Keep going.”)

  3. Break down your resolution into chunks so that you can realize and celebrate small victories along the journey.

  4. Make some plans for accountability. Write your resolution on paper and attach it to a place you will see it often. If exercising or eating healthy choices are your resolutions, perhaps you enlist the help of a friend or coach to support your efforts.

Actually, I endorse setting a resolution anytime of the year. I like the approach of Chilean American writer Isabel Allende. When she was forced to leave her homeland during a military coup that resulted in the assassination of her relative, Salvador Allende, she wanted to keep her family memories alive. She began writing a series of unmailed letters when her 99-year-old grandfather was dying in Chile and she could not visit him. Allende’s letter-writing turned into a 500-page first novel, The House of the Spirits. Allende began her writing January 8th; she waits for that day to begin each new novel.

Allende certainly faced a major snafu in life, but she had grit, defined by psychologist Angela Duckworth as passion plus persistence. She kept writing (for more than 66 days). By writing letters, she broke down her writing into chunks. I wonder if she had an accountability partner, but maybe having 3 out of 4 “rules-of-the-road” works too.

I call making any-day-of-the-year resolutions rewiring! Brains love novelty, so you will find energy by focusing on a desired change. While it takes a growth-and-grit mindset to make some change in your life, you can succeed if you KEEP GOING!

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

251. What resolution do you want to make happen in 2024?

252. How will you include plans for making your intention come true?