Tag: stress

Boys and Men Need Our Attention

Author David Deida has a new book, The Man of Zero. “Zero” Man is defined by Deida as arriving at “…a point where he’s no longer motivated by the same motivations as in the past…[he]could become depressed. A man can collapse when he’s feeling unmotivated. But if you don’t collapse, if you can stay very present with the moment, with what is, without collapsing—even though you have no sense of purpose or meaning—something else happens. You begin to live and think and move from a deeper place that’s not personal anymore.” 

Some can identify with Deida’s philosophy; others might question its veracity for their life. Perhaps everyone can agree to attend to boys’ and men’s wellbeing. June is Men’s Health Awareness Month with the intention to emphasize a critical need for preventive health screenings. This year’s theme reflects how important it is for whole families to invest in men’s wellness — “Partners in Care: For Better Lifespans Across the Lifespan.” Men’s health is a special focus in the week leading up to Father’s Day.

The rates of male depression and suicide have risen sharply according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. More than 6 million U.S. men experience symptoms of depression every year; a recent survey uncovered that 49% of men feel more depressed than they admit to people in their lives. A further cause for concern, men are less likely to ask for help with mental health challenges.

Risks for male wellbeing include these identified factors:

  • Toxic masculinity — the stereotypical gender roles to be strong, silent, and self-sufficient.
  • Stress at work – long work hours, high-stress roles, job burnout and depression.
  • Financial concerns — often the primary breadwinner, yet men more likely to face unemployment.
  • Substance abuse – men more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs, increasing their mental health concerns.

Victor Fontanez is a barber, motivational speaker and entrepreneur, who gave free outdoor haircuts when business collapsed during the pandemic, leading to his social media platform. He became a barber-turned-counselor in Atlanta. Fontanez is a strong role model for youth. He asks 11–12-year-old boys, “What would you change in the world?” They all say gun violence.

Fontanez shares how at age 23 he experienced a mental health crisis prior to his diagnosis of bipolar I disorder: “I thought I could physically push through anything. There was no need for therapy; there was no need to slow down…I pushed my body to the limits—and then I realized, it’s mind, body, and soul. It’s three things that a person needs to take care of.” He radically changed his behavior. Along with psychotherapy and medication assistance, he no longer compromises his sleep, eats a better diet, and exercises. He celebrates his positive changes.

Join “Wear Blue” on Fridays in June to show support for men’s bodymind health.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

506. When are you a role model for wellness?

507. What further steps might promote wellness in others?   

Transition Pearls

Are you in transition? Every day is a mini-transition, but I’m asking about bigger changes, the kind rated on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. The “top” 10 events on the stress scale are death of spouse, divorce, marital separation, jail term, death of close family member, personal injury/illness, marriage, fired at work, marital reconciliation, retirement…moving is #32.  

Transitions are everywhere. Consider your breath moving constantly, from inhale to exhale. As singer/songwriter George Strait, reminds, “…life’s not the breath you take, the breathing in and out / That gets you through the day ain’t what it’s all about / You might just miss the point if you don’t slow down the pace / Life’s not the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.”

I have experienced moments recently that take my breath away. The reaching out of many friends cools down my stress thermometer. I am moving cross-country for a fourth time. I finished college in the Midwest and moved to Boston for graduate school and career-building. The second move was a shorter hop to Philadelphia where my husband had a new job waiting. Parents by then, we each found employment that was mind-stretching. A third move back to the Midwest was both job-related for my beloved husband and closer to extended families. We found mind-bending jobs and grew a whole lot. Death-of-spouse solo, I plan a west coast move where I will be closer to where my children have settled. They need mountains and hiking; it feels healthy for me too.

We cannot know in advance the outcome of our many transitions, but we can take notice when something “moves” us and takes our breath “away.” A cook for all seasons, Ina Garten, lived in Washington DC and was a regular hostess of dinner parties. She left her government job with the White House Office of Management and Budget decades ago to buy a cheese and gourmet shop, the Barefoot Contessa on the Hamptons. She cheerfully quipped, “You figure it out along the way!” Without knowing how her maiden entrepreneurial venture would turn out, she had a bird’s-eye view. She stepped into uncharted territory one breath at a time. On a small stage, isn’t this what we all do when we wake up each morning?

After two decades of operating her specialty shop, Garten sold her business and took a year to figure out her next stage. When she slowed down her pace, Garten next became a cookbook author in the very crowded field of cookbook authors. With cookbook success, she was offered her own TV cooking show on the Food Network, receiving inclusion in the inaugural 2021 Forbes “50 Over 50” list of leaders and entrepreneurs. Her 2024 memoir has a catchy second title, Be Ready When Luck Happens.

Garten inspires me to make big changes. Who inspires you?

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

399. When is the last time that some action took your breath away?

400. What transition calls out to you?

Eustress/Distress: A Brain Teeter-totter

April is Stress Awareness Month (since 1992) with sponsorship by The Health Resource Network, founded by Mort Orman, M.D. https://healthresourcenetwork.org/ A non-profit in the UK, The Stress Management Society, joined sponsorship in 2023.

The theme for 2025 is #LeadWithLove. This is not some far-fetched notion but realize that “love” takes many brain moves. Love entails daily practice.  

Dr. Orman’s mission is to promote knowledge about stress and life mastery skills to cope with inevitable challenges of life. Orman lists 30 key mastery skills. Consider how often you light-up your brain for bodymind health: Emotions mastery, Relationships mastery, Advanced stress mastery, Self-discipline, Happiness creation, Honesty, Humility, Telling the truth, Integrity, Personal responsibility, Critical thinking/reasoning, Wisdom, Values, Purpose, Commitment, Communications skills, Leadership skills, Self-love, Self-esteem, Compassion, Exercise enjoyment, Love of learning, Fearless public speaking, Healthy lifestyle, Money/finances, Success mindset, Understanding human beings, Helping others, Leaving a legacy, Personal power.

Orman uses the American Psychological Association’s definition of stress: “…a normal reaction to everyday pressures but [stress] can become unhealthy…stress involves changes affecting nearly every system of the body, influencing how people feel and behave.  By causing mind-body changes, stress…affects mental and physical health, reducing quality of life.”

Most people consider stress to lead to burnout or exhaustion, but that is an incomplete understanding of stress. Stress is more similar to a brain teeter-totter; it can move in one direction, then abruptly reverse course. Stress can motivate you; it is not always negative. From a book chapter I wrote, “Families in Stress” [In S. Wadhwa Editor, Stress in the Modern World: Understanding Science and Society], there is a range to stressors in your life:  

“Endocrinologist Hans Selye made the word stress a household staple, suggesting that life would be boring without stress. Many positive family situations entail stress. Selye labeled positive stress as eustress and negative stress as distress. He created the word stressor to describe the stimulus or event that precipitates a stress response. Examples of positive stressors in the family are a child’s piano recital or sporting event, and a parent’s new job. Family distress ranges from community natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina, to inside-the-family reactions to death or illness of a loved one, to juggling a myriad of everyday decisions and deadlines. Parents need to learn how to detect smoke before their own reactions, and/or their child’s stress reactions, blaze out of control.”

Simply, we need more adults in the room, whether as models for youngsters, or as companions to other adults who have their own melt-down reactions. We all vacillate when the flames of stress reach us, but biological stress responses can save your life. Fight/fight/freeze stress reactions are biological survival mechanisms in the animal world as well as the human world.

Psychological survival is less clearcut. Many stressors relate to fear, both real and imagined future fears. “Name it to tame it,” advises psychiatrist Dan Siegel.

Pearls of Peace (PoP) Quiz

387. What is a stressor for you?

388. Is your approach lead-with-love? If not, why not?